


I still needed to hear it from you

by Demona9999



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, DC can fight me on that all they want but they wont change it, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, I take the "what I liked stays and whatever I didn't like didn't happen" approach to canon, Jason swears a lot, Past Character Death, Reconciliation, and a cameo by a couple at the very end but not enough to warrant being in the character tags, anyway you know the journey into the mind trope? this is that, because this 2 need to talk about a lot of things, but I mean its Jason so what did you expect there, but hey isn't that how we all approach canon nowadays, but hey theres lots of hugs, he also cries a lot, references to canon typical violence?, the first 2 chapters are mostly setup tbh, the third is when it gets good, theres mentions of other members of the bat family, what else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-05-31 05:59:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19419895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demona9999/pseuds/Demona9999
Summary: A magic medallion hits Bruce and Jason and they have to go into eachothers minds to fix it.Neither of them expect what they find.Somehow its easier to talk to fragments of someone rather than their whole. And to actually listen to what they have to say.-Or the journey into the mind trope, because somehow no one had done this before





	1. The incident

Bruce Wayne was a rational man. He lived in a world in which aliens, superpowers and mythical beings such as the amazons were real, but Gotham was mostly devoid of such things. Partly because he kept those things out as much as he could. He was a rational man, and liked to be able to be ready to counter problems in a manner that made sense.  


It was one of the many reasons Bruce hated magic. Most things in the world had set rules, but with magic anything could happen, and there was no way for him to prevent anything when it came to it. He was thankful most of his villains didn’t lend towards it, but every now and then someone would find some magical artifact and think he could be the next best supervillain in town. Mostly it ended up with people hurt trying to control things they had no idea about, so like most things in Gotham, he had to deal with it.  


The latest of this magical disasters had started with a bunch of stolen magical artifacts. It should have been easy to just find him and be done with it, but things had gotten more complicated when he had hidden in Crime Alley. In a way it made sense to hide in the worst part of town, in which hiding from Batman would be easier. It also was the territory of Red Hood, which meant Bruce had to inform Jason about the whole thing. They were at a good enough place than he could have probably entered Crime Alley without too much fuss, but he knew Jason would like to know what was happening in his part of town. After being told the situation he had insisted on coming along to deal with it.  


That had been fine, more than fine actually, since any chance to actually spend time with his son, even if it was while in the middle of a case, was enjoyable. What hadn't been fine had been the magical energy that hit them both when the villain wannabe had let go of some magical items after being surprised by their sudden appearance and they hit the floor. Bruce himself had been slightly dizzy for a moment, but had recovered quickly, while Jason had apparently fainted. After finally subduing the man and securing the magical artifacts he found the one that had sent that wave, it turned out to be some kind of medallion.  


Then he had finally allowed himself to go back to his son, trying to remain calm despite his worst instincts. Jason was still breathing and seemed fine besides being unconscious, so at first he had relaxed and decided to take him back to the cave so he could recover, though he imagined he would be met with a lot of complaining about it and a quick getaway the moment Jason woke up. The problem was… he wasn’t waking up.  


While Bruce had only gotten dizzy, but Jason had immediately fallen unconscious when that wave of magic hit them, so there was no way this wasn't magic related. He knew he was not capable of dealing with magical problems, and even if Bruce hated having to ask for external help, dealing with magic had too many variables and he definitely wasn't an expert on it. So he had called Zatanna.  


She was looking over Jason at the moment, while he just waited by his bedside with worry. Anything happening to any of his children was always nerve wrecking, but with Jason… well. He would always be a special case. He knew he was much older now, almost as tall as him, but everytime he saw him hurt he couldn't help but remember the small body he held in his arms for who knows how long in the wreck of a warehouse.  


Bruce also knew he was a bit of an overprotective parent, as he always got uneasy when his kids were hurt. At least his children seemed to take it with good humour most of the time.  
Dick laughed and said he was old enough to take care of himself, but hummed a bit or went for a hug when Bruce pet his hair when he was hurt. Tim still was surprised at being coddled, like he still expected to just take care of himself after all these years, settling for small grateful smiles for small gestures like bringing him coffee behind Alfreds back(although the butler probably knew anyway, he knew everything). Damian always insisted he was fine, that he could still fight if needed, but slowly gave up to his father's insistence on needing to recover. And usually accepted a hug without any protest, sometimes even started one subtly, which had always made Bruce smile softly. Cassandra rarely got hurt, but when she was she accepted Bruce fussing over her with a grateful smile, but then again she had always seemed to understand him better than most.  


Jason still tended to refuse any attempt Bruce made at taking care of him, even when he was wounded. Usually he got angry, said he didn't need the help, and much less for Bruce to pretend to care. Unless he was really hurt, he would always keep his guard up and glare furiously at anyone who wasn't Alfred trying to help him dress his wounds. There had been rare occasions in which he had been too weak or just too tired to fight Bruce's concern, like when the Joker had almost burnt his face with acid, which lead to Bruce waiting at his bedside for him to wake up much like he was right at that moment. Jason had woken up back then, and Bruce hugged him and he hugged him back… they still hadn't really talked about it, but he supposed that was progress.  


Finally Zatanna seemed to finish up her inspection, turning to Bruce and making him come out of his thoughts. “Well, the bad news is that whatever spell hit him made him… trapped within his own mind” she explained.  


“Trapped? What do you mean?” in his life the word trapped never meant anything good, and he couldn't help but be reminded of many other times when his children had been captured. It seemed like every villain had to capture Robin at some point to feel like a true menace, all of his sons has been held hostage to try to make Batman fail.  


“Not in a supervillain holding him in kind of way if that's what you are worried about” she answered, and Bruce relaxed slightly “It’s more like… his mind is fragmented. He can't come out until its whole” she elaborated, furrowing her eyebrows “When the magic hit you it didn’t do much, but with him it’s almost like... his mind has been broken before, so it was easier this time”  


That was still very concerning. Bruce couldn't think of any past injury that could have caused that, he remembered Jason had lost his memories for a while before, but he had them back now. Besides, he had also lost his memories at one point, and the magic wave didn't leave him unconscious, so it didn't seem likely that it could have such a different reaction. Then again, there were years in Jason's life of which he knew very little... maybe during that time something had happened that caused Jason's mind to be more vulnerable to this. But he would worry about that later.  


“...you said those were the bad news, so, are there good news?” right then it was more important to get to action, if anything could be fixed that was what he would do.  


“Yes, there is a way to fix it” she brought out the small medallion, which he had given her in hopes it helped fix the current situation. “Although… I don't know if you will like what it requires”  


“Magic that comes with a price, wonderful” he couldn't help but sigh. Magic had incomprehensible rules, but whatever helped would be welcome at that moment “So, what is it?”  


“This will let you into his mind, think of it like an avatar of you going into his mind palace. If you find all the fragments of his mind and get them to touch it at once it will be mended and you will be let out. However, since the wave hit you too, it also brings him into your mind with the same requirements”  


“...I see” having someone into your mind without any control over what they could see definitely sounded like something he would rather avoid, and that Jason wouldn't like either for that matter.  


“I told you you wouldn't like it” she sighed “This medallion was supposed to be some kind of trust exercise, and you have never really been the most trusting individual. But honestly it's the easiest solution I can think of, trying to reverse the spell could just make it worse and trying to implement some other solution could take a long while and not even work properly...”  


“It's fine” he interrupted “I will do it”  


“Really?” she blinked, clearly surprised he had given in so fast “Wasn’t he like, a villain for a bit? I thought you would be more against this. Letting anyone, much less someone dangerous, into your mind sounds like the opposite of what the eternally paranoid Batman would do”  


“...you are not wrong, but…” for a second he considered explaining that Jason was much more than just a reformed villain. That any secret identities that could have been in jeopardy were things he already knew. That he was family. That Bruce himself had been the one to fail him in the first place, and any hatred he gained by entering his mind without permission wouldn't be that much more to add to the hate he already held towards him. But he didn't say any of that, just asked for her to explain the process in more detail so he could finally get to actually helping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know Zatanna much, but she seems to be the designated magic consultant in batfam fics so here we are. Its magic, I don't have to explain it, but I tried a bit? Eh who cares, you are here for the actual journey.  
> Poor Bruce tends to only get to be nice to his kids when they get hurt, it's truly not fair. But he must get a bit more fathely when it happens right? Right.  
> Also I got a tumblr if you want:  
> https://demona9999.tumblr.com


	2. The Bat

Jason blinked a couple times in confusion. He could have sworn him and Batman were about to beat up some idiot who had got his hands on magical items, and suddenly he was at the manor. And it wasn't the only strange thing, because he had been in full Red Hood regalia, and now he was just in his normal clothes, which also included a leather jacket, but were still just regular clothing.

He also realized he had some kind of medallion in his hands, which he sorta remembered seeing that idiot drop before he appeared there. Maybe it was some magic bullshit then, the worst kind of bullshit. Fantastic. 

Still, he supposed since he was in the manor the first stop should be the cave, since if anyone else was there they could probably tell him what happened, and if not he could use the batcomputer to check if there was anything about this medallion. Although considering the old man's reluctance to deal with magical stuff… well, he shouldn't have his hopes up. 

The whole way there he tried not to think of how weird being in the manor now felt to him. He used to live there after all, and it had taken him a long way to get used to that back then. Going from a crappy apartment, to living in the streets, to suddenly a huge manor. It had been a very weird change to say the least. From freezing at night to beds that were too soft, it had been so jarring he had even slept on the floor a couple of times. But eventually he had at least gotten used to the home life, like how they had routines he could rely on, like eating at the same hours and in the same rooms every day. And even if the place was huge Bruce was normally easy to find, and he never seemed to be bothered when Jason sought him out. Sometimes Bruce was the one who found him while reading on the library or some other of his more hidden reading places, and he hadn’t been bothered by that either. In the manor he had felt… safe. For the first time in a long while. 

And now he felt like a stranger when he stayed too long. All the newer kids had made their own places in the manor, and meanwhile he didn’t dare to go into his old room. He sometimes still went into the library, and stole one or two books that called his attention. He could swear Bruce knew about it even if he had never really said anything, after all someone had to be placing those books apart in the shelves for them to be so noticeable. When he first noticed he took that as being given permission for stealing them, after all, Bruce could afford to buy more books if he wanted them replaced, and he had to know Jason would never give them back. 

He didn't have the same kind of feelings with visiting the cave, which he was thankful for considering how many times Bruce called everyone there for briefings. Maybe it was that in the cave everyone was there for more vigilante related things, but it was easier to be there than the manor. It also had the bonus of seeing the replacement and the demon spawn get into fights every time they disagreed and seeing the rest of the bats trying to calm them down, it was kinda hilarious how much those two irritated each other. 

When he finally got to the cave he was surprised to see someone was indeed already there, and even more surprising it was Batman. How the hell had Bruce managed to get there before him? Did he get teleported or whatever the hell happened too? But then why would he still be in the cowl when Jason didn't have his helmet? Actually it was weird that he was in the cowl at all inside the cave when no one else was there…. 

“Alright Bruce, what the fuck just happened?” Jason demanded, frowning when Bruce turned to look at him. Something was definitely off. The way he was looking at him was… strangely analytical, like how he got when he was in the middle of a case, except he was looking at Jason and not some kind of puzzle the Riddler had left or something. 

“You are already here, good. I'm glad you found me first, this will make things easier” he said, and that also sounded weird. He also still hadn't taken the cowl off even after seeing Jason there, which was still throwing him off. 

“Okay, you are acting really weird” Jason decided to just say “And I have no clue what you are talking about. Weren't we about to kick some criminals ass? Why are we suddenly here at the manor?” 

“We are not” the answer came back so quick and short he had to blink and laugh. “What? Are you finally blind like your namesake old man? Where the hell else do you think this cave is under?” 

“We are not at the manor, or the cave. At least, not the real ones. Technically speaking” 

That made Jason pause. Now that he said that… even in his distracted walk down to the cave he had thought the manor looked strange on the way there. Nothing too bad, just like… things that were out of place. But then again he wasn't a very frequent guest at the manor, so he just thought maybe they had redecorated a bit. Although he could have sworn he saw a vase that he had broken back when he was still living at the manor, and he remembered that ugly vase very well, because he almost had a panic attack when he broke it and thought he would be thrown out. It had taken a lot of reassurances by Bruce and Alfred that they didn’t really care about that decoration and that they wouldn't throw him out, much less for some silly accident like that, for him to finally calm down. 

“...what the fuck do you mean this isn't real?” he asked, trying to not linger on that sudden memory. 

“You have the medallion, correct?” Jason raised the hand in which he held it, not seeing what that had to do with it “When the criminal dropped that medallion, it hit us both with some kind of magic spell. I seemed to be fine, but you wouldn't wake up. So I called Zatanna, and she explained you were trapped within your mind, it was fragmented. Since the spell hit me too it turns out I could go into your mind to try to find those pieces of you, and when all of them touch the medallion you will be fine, and you must do the same for me” he explained almost clinically, like he was just exposing the facts of a case. “So you see, we aren’t in the manor or the cave technically speaking, because this is just my mind” 

“...okay, hold up” he brought a hand to his face, taking all that information in. It was a lot to process. At least why he was suddenly there and in his normal clothes made sense, and why he had that medallion in his hands out of nowhere. “So... you're telling me your mind looks like Wayne Manor?” 

“Yes” 

Bruce had lived all his life in that house, so it made sense that his mind would use such a familiar image. It also explained the inconsistencies like that broken vase from before, Bruce's mental picture must still have that vase there for some reason, but it also had more modern things Jason had not been used to. Or maybe even older things he hadn't seen. Still the architecture and general plan must be the same, so he shouldn't have too much of a problem getting around. 

“And… if this spell thing went both ways, then you aren't Bruce, you are just part of him” 

“Correct” the man answered. Getting such quick and dry answers to all his questions was getting kind of annoying. However, if this was just a part of Bruce and not just him then…. 

“...the Bat, of course. Of course you are just Batman, that's why you had the cowl even though there's literally no one else here” Jason finally figured. That coldness and bossiness he had been feeling from him this whole time suddenly made much more sense. Bruce wasn’t exactly an emotional person, but when he was in his full Batman mode he was much worse. 

The worst part was that he didn't use to be that bad, and Jason knew that for a fact. He remembered back when he was Robin Bruce smiled much more often, even when he was Batman. And not the creepy you are fucked kind of smile he still gave to some villains sometimes, he used to make actual smiles at comments or jokes Jason made. His whole persona was much more relaxed back then, not as many grunts or snapping orders and just expecting to be obeyed. Even as Bruce he had been much more laid back, sometimes he even laughed. He remembered how everytime he managed to make him laugh he had felt so fucking proud... god he had been such an idiot. 

He had a sudden realization “Actually if you are Batman why the hell are you helping me? Don’t you hate me? I am the big bad Red Hood and all that” The Red Hood was an antihero, at least that's what he had always considered himself. The better Batman that Gotham really needed, getting rid of the truly terrible criminal scum the Batman refused to put down. Maybe he had come slightly back into the bat colony as of late, as much as he hated to admit it, but he was sure deep down Bruce must still think of the Red Hood as a villain. Or at least this Batman part of him definitely must, the Red Hood had opposed the bat clan far longer than he had been on their side. 

Batman seemed to think his question over, and if Jason began to unconsciously adopt a battle pose he would never admit it. He really hoped he didn’t have to fight him, he was pretty sure Bruce usually held back when fighting against him, but just Batman? He would probably go all out. And Batman going all out was painful on anyone on the other end of it. 

“... I am... wary of you” the vigilante finally said “You have been quite volatile in the past, a dangerous foe who knew dangerous secrets and wanted to hurt me and those related to me in a cruel fashion. However…” he paused, tilting his head as if the next part took a lot out of him to say “...that isn’t all you are. You are also an ally, more than that… and I do hope someday I can stop worrying about you changing for the worse” 

And wasn't that admission a bit of a shock. Batman was always paranoid about everyone, Jason had seen those boxes with every justice league members weaknesses ready just in case anything happened, and most of those were people Batman had worked with for years and was even friends with. And yet he hoped to be able to trust Jason and stop worrying about him turning against him, despite all his previous actions. Before he could fully process that though, Batman continued. “And it's more practical to help you, otherwise I would be trapped within my own mind as well” 

“Aah practicality, I guess that takes precedence over common sense” he snorted, grateful he had something to make the previous statements take less weight. Like Batman would think of him as anything else but a villain to be beaten. Right. “By the way, even if it's for saving my ass and all… this whole invading my mind thing is a bit…” 

“I knew you would be uncomfortable with it, but there really weren't any other options. If it's any consolation at least you are getting to do the same to me” 

“...fair enough, I guess” It was an imperfect situation, he really hated that Bruce got free roaming over his mind, who knew what he could find there. But he knew the old man was a paranoid bastard and also must have hated this arrangement. Yet he had done it anyway. To help him…. 

He shook his head. No. Thinking like that was stupid. As the bat said, this was probably just the most practical solution, after all it seemed he would just be completely unconscious if this didn't get done. And speaking of practical, he should probably figure out what the fuck he was supposed to do. 

“Soooo, now what? Do you touch the medallion and we all go home?” 

“All parts of me must be present, so until you find the rest…” 

“Alright, sure, so what you're just gonna wait here?” he arched an eyebrow, while Batman looked at the stairs with the closest thing the cowled man could have to a frown. He seemed conflicted, and distantly Jason thought that maybe he was getting better at reading him in the costume again, because usually that would have been hard to guess. 

“...I am more comfortable here” he answered “The other parts of me must be roaming the manor” That was strange, Batman was a control freak, why the hell wouldn't he want to come upstairs and supervise this whole thing? Unless…. 

“...no bats upstairs, I see” Jason laughed, way more amused by it than he should be. Seemed the old rule applied even in Bruce's subconscious or something, and this Batman part of him couldn't really get out of the cave. Actually it was kind of a relief to know he wouldn't have to deal with Batman breathing down his neck while he looked for the rest of him. “Then I guess I will bring the rest here when I find them. Any idea how many we are talking about by the way?” 

“Should be four, that medallion has four gems in it” the vigilante answered, and Jason looked closer at the jewel confirming that it was true. 

“Four of you, fucking great, I didn’t know when I was well off” he complained, starting to walk back up the stairs. At least they couldn't be worse than that first one, he was almost certain if it wasn’t because he needed him to put him back together the Batman would have kicked him out of his mind the second he found him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there is a way to write Jason without him swearing and being snarky I haven't found it, and Batman truly brings out the worst in him.  
> I wish I could say Bruce fully trusts Jason, but considering how paranoid he is he would still be wary of him, but! He truly does want Jason back in the family, so willing to work with him for practical reasons is the most I felt I could make a just Batman part of Bruce be.


	3. The Robin

Bruce was surprised to find himself in Crime Alley. Zatanna had said that the mind would probably take the form of a familiar place, so he supposed it made sense that the neighbourhood Jason grew up in and now patrolled was it. Bruce had conflicting emotions about it nowadays, but he guessed Jason didn't have as much against it.

Bruce couldn't help but feel he kept coming back that that part of town against his better judgement. After all, his parents had died in that neighbourhood, and he had never let it go. He went every year to patrol on the anniversary, and it was not as if a single night of Batman patrolling there would really help, but he kept doing it anyway. Then again, if he hadn't had that tradition he wouldn't have found Jason. And despite everything that had happened between them he would never regret taking Jason in. He still was sure it had been one of his best decisions. Nowadays Jason patrolled the place, and he did a pretty good job all things considered. It was still a terrible part of town, but it was better. 

Bruce was also surprised to find that he was in just normal clothes, honestly he had almost expected to find himself in his Batman suit. After all he called himself Batman in his own mind often enough for that to happen in this weird mental avatar kind of situation. Maybe since he had come here more in his role of a father than a hero he had been more inclined towards Bruce Wayne for once, which was probably for the best. 

He began to walk, not sure where he should be heading. Finding four parts of his son sounded easy enough, but it probably wouldn't be. Because he was pretty sure most, if not all of them, wouldn't even want to come near him if they could help it. Just as he was trying to think of any particular place in Crime Alley he should check, he heard a very familiar voice call out to him. 

“BRUCE!” he immediately turned to see a young boy running at him. It had been years since he had seen Jason wearing the Robin uniform, but he could never really confuse that particular Robin costume for any other. He wasn't wearing the domino mask, but even with it he knew he would have recognized him immediately. It was Jason, a young Jason, back when he had been a lively boy who loved to be Robin. 

And he was hugging him. 

“...Jason?” Bruce managed to say, completely stunned by the suddenness of it all. 

“Of course it’s me, who else were you expecting in my mind?” the boy laughed, looking up at him without really stopping his hug. 

“...yes, of course, it’s just… I didn't expect you to come find me, I suppose…” or to be so affectionate with him, clinging to him like it was normal. But... it had been back then, hadn't it? Back when they were still Batman and Robin. 

It was hard to imagine now, but he could still clearly remember when that distrustful boy who seemed to be expecting for Bruce to snap at him or hit him at any second started to slowly relax. It had been small things at first, like he was still testing his limits like before. A small touch to call for attention, leaning into him cautiously while they read reports, putting his hand over Bruce's when he ruffled his hair or touched his face, grabbing his wrist sometimes, actually hugging back when he was hugged instead of just being startled by the whole thing. 

Dick had been very affectionate from the beginning and had not hesitated to hug Bruce whenever he had the chance back in the day, in fact he sometimes had complained that Bruce wasn’t as open with affection as he should be, but Dick had grown with parents who adored him while Jason had grown with an abusive father who had just walked out and a mother he had to take care of instead of the other way around. It was a horrible situation that had made him very cautious. Not to mention his time in the streets, which definitely didn’t help. So Bruce had understood that he had needed to earn Jason's trust before he could earn his affections, and he just waited for Jason to realise that he would never hurt him. 

Eventually Jason seemed to understand because he started with those tests to see how far he could get, and then began to casually give gestures of affection without even realising. It really hit Bruce when he began to seek comfort. He remembered how Jason leaned into him when he read to him aloud when he was sick, looking at Bruce like he was the most extraordinary thing in the world. He had just smiled when he noticed that look, and ruffled his hair without stopping his narration, but he treasured that look of adoration in the deepest parts of his hearth. 

“Well, when I saw you were here I had to catch you…” the young Jason murmured, bringing Bruce out of his reminiscence. 

Right, he should probably focus on what was happening right then. “Do you know what's going on…?” 

“I'm not really sure… I just kinda was here suddenly...” he shrugged “I think I'm just a part of Jason, not a whole… like, I look like this, but I remember things that happened after, when I was all grown up? So I guess some weird thing must have happened and you are here to fix it, cause that's what you do” 

“Essentially, yes… you were trapped in your mind and divided into four parts, and now I have to find all of you and make you touch this medallion so you can get better” he explained, showing the medallion he still held. 

“Magic is really weird, uh” the boy laughed a bit “Well, luckily I found you, B, now I can help you find all those other parts of me and all that” 

“You want to help? I thought you could just wait for me to find the rest and get everyone together somewhere here…” actually he hadn't thought that far, and now that he thought about it just leaving him alone in Crime Alley, even if it was a fake one, seemed like a terrible idea. He hadn’t really expected to find himself in a place that would make him so anxious about leaving anyone alone in it. 

“Are you kidding me? Of course I'm coming with you” Jason insisted. 

“Jay, the other parts of you could be… less friendly than you are towards me…” he tried to argue. “It could be dangerous” 

“Like danger has ever stopped me from doing something before!” he laughed “Come on, they are me too, right? They won’t hurt me, and I won't let them hurt you, so it will all be fine” 

“You don't have to protect me, Jason...” he tried to argue. Bruce couldn't help but remember back when Jason had always insisted on coming on patrol in the most dangerous nights to make sure everything was alright, he hadn't really been on the receiving end of Jason's protective nature in a long time.... 

“Bruce I'm going to come with you whether you like it or not, just accept it” the boy said, as he looked up at him with a determined look. A look that Bruce knew he had never been able to say no to. 

“...fine, I suppose I was never really able to stop you from doing anything you really wanted to do” he sighed in defeat, while Jason just smiled in victory. “Just promise me if things do get dangerous you will let me handle it” 

“Sure, B, whatever you want” Now that he had made Bruce concede he seemed to relax and get toughtfull, playing with the fabric of Bruce's shirt, and burrowing into his chest with a content sigh “I’ve missed this…” 

“Hugging me…?” he smiled a bit despite himself, honestly he had missed Jason's clingy hugs too. Especially the ones they had back when he had been this young, it was so oddly satisfying to just envelop his young and small son with his arms. To feel like he was being depended on for security had always made Bruce feel strangely happy. 

“No, well, yes that too, but more like… how easy it was…” the young Jason answered, frowning a bit “It’s hard to explain…” 

Bruce looked at this young version of his son, and tried to remember that it wasn’t actually just a young Jason. He looked like his past self, but he remembered everything after that, which meant he knew how nowadays casual hugs where not an everyday occurrence. 

And maybe it was just that seeing this version of Jason was bringing out those old feelings back up again with too much force, or maybe it was just that he was pretty sure his attempts at mending bridges wouldn't get him into another angry shouting match this time, or maybe it was just that he really missed being able to just held his second son in his arms, but he finally decided to just give into what he had been wanting to do from the second this young Jason had hugged him. He bent down and easily picked the young Jason up, which elicited a small surprised gasp out of him. 

“I’ve missed this too, Jay…” Bruce confessed, holding Jason tightly and petting his hair with a soft sigh. And he really did miss it, being able to hug Jason in his arms without being fearful it was too much and he would be pushed off. He missed being able to just casually be near his second son in general. Sometimes he had tried to ruffle his hair or do some kind of similar gesture and Jason had either been shocked or slapped his hand away while scowling at him, and Bruce had tried to not let it affect him, but deep down it really did. 

After he had gotten over the shock of being picked up, the young Jason looked at Bruce with clear confusion. “...really?” he barely whispered, but it was loud enough for Bruce to pick up and answer. 

“Of course, why wouldn't I?” 

“Well, um… it's just…” he looked around nervously, glancing back now and then, clearly conflicted. Bruce didn't understand what was so strange about his little admission, so he tried to elaborate on it in hopes to make himself clear. 

“Jason, you are my son, of course I miss when it was easier to just… hug you without having to think about it…” he sighed, “To be honest I miss hugging all my children without having to think about it…” 

“What do you mean? I've seen you hug the others too sometimes” Jason tilted his head a bit. 

“Yes, but… nowadays it seems I only get to hug you kids when you are hurt…” Bruce admitted. Somehow it was easier to let himself be fussy around his kids when they were hurt or just really needed the emotional support. He didn't think they would brush him off if he hugged them out of the blue, but they would think it was very weird and question it. Except maybe Dick, he would probably feel victorious getting such a gesture from him unprompted. 

“I mean, you did that before too” Jason replied. Bruce had to admit he was right, he used to get a bit overprotective when Dick or Jason had been hurt when they were young, but now it was a much more pronounced reaction. “But yeah, I get what you mean. You used to let me ride piggyback on you, I can't really picture you doing that now…” 

“I remember that…” Bruce smiled fondly at the memory. It had been nice when things like that could just happen, but... “...everything changed after I lost you, Jay…” It had been too hard. Bruce had spent years after his parents died thinking he would never be happy again, but eventually with Dick and later Jason he had began to be. He had let himself love Jason so openly without thinking of the possible consequences. He had smiled often, he had done things he never did before like skip patrol to take care of Jason when he had been sick. Jason had made him laugh. 

And then Jason died, and he couldn't bring himself to be hurt like that again, so he had closed up. He had become much colder and harsher, and in a way he supposed it wasn't fair to his other kids, Tim specially, who had gotten the worst of him at his lowest. He was trying to be better now, but he knew that he would never truly be the same man he was before. He could never forget the day he held his son's body in his arms and buried part of his heart with him. 

That same son who was now looking at him with a frown, like he was trying to figure out a very confusing puzzle. 

“But… I thought…” he began, and Bruce raised an eyebrow to encourage him to continue “I thought… t-that you never really loved me, o-or at least... that you didn't love me anymore after... everything…” 

Bruce had to take a moment to process that, not comprehending how he could be hearing those words coming from him. He had to pull himself together soon since Jason seemed to take his silence as some kind of confirmation, since he was lowering his gaze and biting his lip, and he couldn't let that happen. 

“Jason, look at me” he asked, placing his hand on Jason's cheek softly so he would turn to him, as he tried to ignore the small tears that were forming in the boys eyes “Jay... you are my son, and I... I have always loved you. I never stopped, and I never will” he let his forehead rest against Jason's with a sigh “I thought… I was sure you must have known how much I love you… and nothing you ever do will make me stop, Jay. Even when you were at your worst I couldn't bring myself to fight you with my full strength, I couldn't stop hoping you would come back home…. That you would… that you would just let me be your father again…” 

Jason seemed stunned with the gravity of those declarations, a couple of tears that were forming before escaping his eyes now as he looked at Bruce's sincere eyes. After a moment he latched onto Bruce with much more strength than before, sobbing into his neck. Bruce rubbed his back and whispered comforting words to him, trying to ignore his own emotions menacing to make him cry during that whole exchange. 

After a while Jason began to calm down, he was no longer sobbing, just kinda leaning his head against Bruce's shoulder and just looking up at him. Bruce couldn't help but feel a small moment of pride at that, somehow he had always been good at the comforting hugs part of parenthood. “You are feeling better now…?” he cautiously asked, still not ceasing on his hair petting. 

“Yeah… yeah, thanks B, I know… words aren’t your strongest suit” he whispered, with his voice still slightly hoarse for the crying. “I don't know how was I supposed to know all that tough… you aren’t exactly the easiest person to read, you know...” 

“I suppose... you are right…” Bruce frowned. He had always just kinda assumed his kids knew he loved them with his actions alone, but if Jason thought that he had never loved him… he truly needed to try harder. He had always been so sure Jason must have known… to realize he had failed in such a way was very disconcerting. 

“You could try to tell me all that again when all this is over, you know. Like… the grown up me I mean” the young one suggested “Because I needed to hear that…” 

Bruce nodded, not sure what to answer to that. He was right, obviously, but… talking to grown up Jason wouldn't be that easy. It was harder to speak to Jason, every time he had tried either he couldn't find the right thing to say, or his words would be dismissed or twisted in some way. The young Jason frowned at his silence, sighing with frustration. “Oh come on, what's the worst that could happen? That I won't believe you? That is what the current situation is, you know” 

“You could get furious again, and distance yourself from me and the family, again…” he answered, and at that Jason blinked, as if he had just realized something. 

“Wait, is that why you try to avoid talking with me so much? Because you think I will get mad at you and runoff?” 

Bruce tried to be silent again, but Jason just kinda hit his shoulder without much force, demanding an answer, so Bruce sighed and gave it to him. 

“...I'm scared, Jay…” he admitted. “I don't know what will be the final straw and make you leave again, getting to this point has taken us so long and… I'm afraid if I try to talk to you I will say something that will make you leave and we will have to start all over…. I’m afraid I WILL somehow make it worse, and I don’t know if that is even possible, but I just… I’m so afraid of making you hate me even more...” 

After a small moment of silence Jason laughed softly, apparently sadly amused by that admission. “Wow, for someone so smart sometimes you are such an idiot, Bruce” he explained when Bruce tilted his head in confusion “I am scared too…” 

“What could you possibly be scared of?” 

“Of disappointing you, mostly…” he said “I still… I still want you to be proud of me, I want your good opinion, and I know… I know all the things I do now, the guns and all that, you don't really like it... and I am scared that... you will just one day realize I was never as good as you hoped” he paused, like he had revealed too much, and looked at Bruce with desperation “But, but I was good back then right? Maybe not now, but at least back when I was like this, I was good right? I was a good Robin? I can at least have that right? Even if I wasn't as good as Grayson, I was good, right? Right?” 

The more he talked the more desperate he seemed to get and Bruce didn’t know how he somehow had missed how desperate for approval Jason was up till that moment. He knew all of his kids wanted his attention in some way, and they all enjoyed feeling appreciated and praised, that was obvious by the smiles he got anytime he gave even the slightest of compliments. Approval… just like his love, he had thought his approval was a given as well, but apparently not. He definitely hadn't thought Jason needed it this badly, he was almost... begging. And Jason had never begged for anything. 

“It shouldn't be a competition in the first place” Jason seemed to want to object to that, but Bruce didn't let him by continuing “But… you were a great Robin, Jason. You care. It sounds silly, but that really made a difference sometimes. You were always protective of women and children, and you still are now, you still care so much… you are a good person…” he pet Jason hair again, smiling softly “You were always good. Jay, you were the best…” 

“...you really… you really mean that, don't you…?” Jason finally relaxed, laughing so softly it was almost a giggle, like he was still in disbelief. He sighed with content and buried his face in Bruce's neck “...I love you... dad…” he whispered, so softly Bruce wasn't entirely sure he heard it for a second. 

He could have just wishfully dreamt hearing that. He always longed to hear that word, dad. It seemed none of his children called him dad often. He wished it wasn't so, because everytime he heard the word from them, even when they used it sarcastically or as a joke he could feel his heart skip a beat. And to hear it coming from Jason… that was something he never expected would come to happen. 

“...I love you too, Jay….” he whispered back, deciding to indulge in that hug for just a bit more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The parts of each of them have full memories, but embody a more specific thing and act more like they would have in the moment the form they take would, if that makes sense. So Robin Jason here, who represents most of Jason's optimism and idealism, and his love and trust for Bruce, he just jumped immediately to hugging him when he saw him.   
> Also you can take the headcanon that Jason was a clingy kid from my cold dead hands. He probably was touch starved as hell when he arrived at the manor, and then was wary for a bit because I mean abusive father and later was a street kid and all that, but slowly started to indulge in physical affection when he started to trust Bruce. I mean Bruce gives great hugs, just look at literally any of the ones he has with his kids, so that probably helped. And that piggyback ride actually happened, I think it was pre crisis maybe but come on, you can’t tell me Jason didn't like this kinda things.  
> And being just hit with all that raw affection and adoration Bruce just melted back into his good father mode, which as it turns out will probably help a lot during this adventure, so there's that.


	4. The child

Now that he knew the manor was just a construct and not the actual place a lot of weird inconsistencies made much more sense. Finding three people in a huge manor sounded easy enough, but sometimes when he opened a room he found a place he knew for certain it wasn't there. Or a room that was stuck in some past moment in time if he had to guess. Weird.

He entered one of the entertainment rooms and was shocked to see a very old tv in it. Like, and 80s model, one of those things you only saw in movies nowadays. Also it was playing an episode of The Grey Ghost, that old show Bruce liked which he was certain was out of circulation. 

When an eight year old child who was in the sofa turned to look at him he had to take a second to realize this wasn’t somehow an even smaller demon spawn, because this was Bruce's mind and therefore only Bruce could be here. He really should have seen this coming. 

“Holy shit Bruce was a cute kid” he couldn't help but say out loud. He had seen some photos, and portraits, the Wayne Manor truly wasn't short of family pictures everywhere. But seeing him in front of him, just watching an old tv show in an old tv, it was completely different. 

“...thanks?” the kid answered, tilting his head in confusion. 

“Ah, uh, sorry it’s just… it’s so weird to see for real…” he mumbled, not sure how to approach this. Being his usual asshole self to the Batman? Easy, he did that all the time. Being an asshole to an eight year old probably still traumatized by his parents murder? Yeah not so much. Even he didn't hate Bruce to that extent. He went around the sofa and sat down next to him, oddly nervous “Um, I’m Jason” 

“I know” he nodded. 

“Wait, you know me? How?” 

“I'm not… just a memory of my childhood self. I’m like… a construct who has taken this form out of convenience. Maybe” he tried to explain, so it seemed the kid wasn't sure how this whole thing worked either, so there was that. “I think I might be like… his center” 

“Well that's weird. But makes sense, cause you know… the whole… origin story and all that” he wasn't sure just saying his parents were murdered in front of him was sensible. God, he was weak to children. “Maybe you are his morals or something too then. The whole not killing thing, the code” he rolled his eyes “You must hate me too then, this will be harder than I thought then” 

“I don't hate you” Bruce simply said, and Jason had to stare in disbelief, because that made no sense. 

“You... don't?” he mumbled, confused. 

“Of course not” the kid answered without a second of hesitation. 

“But uh…. I killed people. With guns” Killing people with guns was literally Bruce’s only rule. Jason could partly understand why the guns specially affected Bruce, his parents had been shot, of course he would never use guns, it was just like Jason refused to take drugs of any kind after seeing what they did to Catherine. But he still thought the no killing rule should be revoked for certain people. But in the end he had literally done the complete opposite of what Bruce’s moral code demanded, and if this kid was partly an embodiment of that then this should be a deal breaker on the whole friendly interaction they were having. “You know that, right?” 

“Yes, I know. Although you don't do that as much anymore… you ARE trying to change for the better” he smiled, like he was proud of that fact. 

“Yeah… because those were the conditions to get back into this stupid city” Jason huffed. He started not killing in Gotham just to not have Bruce after him at the start, but the more he kept it up the more natural it had become, much to his own surprise. That didn’t really change that he still thought his murders had been justified by those bastards actions. “... but I still think I wasn't wrong” 

“I know” Bruce answered. 

“You seem oddly okay with that” he arched an eyebrow. Bruce and him had a lot of arguments about the whole no killing thing, and now he was just letting it go? It was… unexpected. But this kid version of Bruce seemed strangely calm about everything. 

“I have my own beliefs, you have yours. I… work with people who have killed, in the justice league” he explained. “I don't agree with them on it either. A lot of people don’t agree with my views. And you and I, we've… never agreed on everything… ” 

“That's one way to put it” he laughed. It was true that Bruce worked with justice league members who didn't have his same moral code, and that he had never seen him really go off at them for the no killing thing. But if he thought about it… he guessed the justice league members didn’t wear a big bat symbol on their chest, while he did. Because he was a bat whether he liked it or not. And for Bruce, if you wore the bat symbol you had to live up to it by keeping up the code. 

While spinning that thought in his head Jason had been looking at the tv distractedly. It still was playing that Grey Ghost show, somehow. “Do you, like… got all the episodes memorized or something?” Bruce blinked “Oh who am I kidding, of course you do, its you” 

“I like this show” he proclaimed a bit defensively. 

“I noticed, you made me watch it with you a couple of times” those had been nice days, just watching this old show that Bruce so obviously adored. He tried to play it off, but it was kinda easy to see, he kept glancing back at Jason from time to time to see his reactions every time. He got the same way when they watched some old adventure movie that had a cool sword fight in it or some iconic cinema classic. It was oddly... cute on the old man. If Bruce Wayne could be considered cute. Which this young kid version definitely was, because he had blushed at that comment. 

“...I used to watch it with my dad…” he admitted. 

“...really? Uh” that was an odd thing, information about the Waynes so easily given, Bruce didn’t really talk about them much. And Jason was so used to seeing the Waynes as this unmovable figures in high paintings that imagining Thomas Wayne watching a silly show with his son was weird as hell “Did he like it…?” 

“I think he was just humouring me for the most part, if I’m honest with you” he smiled fondly “He just read his newspaper and carried me to bed if I fell asleep in the middle. But it was still nice…” 

And the kid sounded so forlorn he asked without even meaning to, because obviously he knew the answer was yes. “...you still miss them?” 

“Yeah… I still wonder if the would be proud of me or not…” he mumbled “I wanted to help Gotham... they did too! I mean that's why all the charities and foundations exists, but I mean… I don't think they pictured me actually going through with the whole becoming a hero idea…” 

He could understand what he meant by that. The whole superhero thing was pretty normal nowadays, but back then? Yeah the Waynes probably just expected Bruce to keep up the charity work and make life better in Gotham little by little. Which Bruce also did anyway, because honestly, he seemed to live to help Gotham. But being Batman was quite the hands on approach to making the city better. 

Gotham was better with Bruce in it that was for certain, he was the only one who actually tried to make a difference and managed. All the philanthropy work he did as Bruce Wayne was something a lot of people dismissed and some kind of good image thing, but Bruce actually put a lot of work into it, all those charities and foundations the Waynes had started were expanded since he took over. But it wasn’t enough, it would probably never be enough, because Gotham was a heartless bitch who just took and took. 

And the feeling of being a disappointment to your parents…. Jason knew it was the worst. Trying to talk to his actual parental figure in child form about parental disappointed was weird as fuck tough, so he decided to try to lighten up the mood. 

“I bet they would be disappointed you somehow managed to have so many kids yet not settle down with Selina already” he joked, feeling proud when a small laugh escaped the kid. 

“Well, I can say it wasn't for lack of trying” he shrugged. 

“Yeah well, I am still pissed about it” he grumbled. All that money he had to let go of to give Selina a nice party before the wedding and she just blew the whole thing off. Not to mention how depressed Bruce had been after the whole thing went down, even he could admit to being concerned back then. He still wasn’t sure what exactly had made Selina leave Bruce at the altar, but maybe he should actually ask Bruce, he didn’t think he had really talked about it since the whole thing happened and he was still a bit concerned. Not that he would tell him that. 

“Uh-uh” the kid smiled “Honestly I was worried all you kids would get hard to manage if I had married her, I remember you being jealous of Selina spending so much time with me once upon a time...” 

“S-shut up” Jason stammered, trying to force the blush he just got from that to go away much to Bruce's amusement judging from his laughter. He also remembered that, back when anyone getting to spend any time with Bruce made him stupidly jealous. It was ridiculous looking back, and the most embarrassing part was back then Bruce seemed to just be fondly amused or confused by it whenever it had happened. He decided it was best to avoid that topic entirely “Anyway, she's a criminal too, so maybe your parents would have been judgy anyway” 

“She is a good person. She's not bad” he replied immediately, with strong conviction. 

“Honestly Bruce, you say that about almost everyone. You believe too much in people” he laughed “I don't know how you do it” 

“...I have to believe in people” he mumbled, looking down “I have to believe that people can be better” 

“...you really do, don't you?” he said, sighing. “That’s something I never really understood about you, how you really care so much about all those bastards we put away in Arkham, still believe they can be saved. I remember things like how you call them by their actual name instead of their alias so much, how you still always think they can recover despite always being proven wrong. Why, Bruce? What the fuck have those people done to make you believe in them so much? All they do is hurt people” 

“...if I don't believe they can be better… that they can be saved, despite all the trauma they endured or caused… then… what is the point?” he looked up at Jason, his blue eyes so piercing Jason could swear he was looking at the adult version of him for a second “What is the point of Batman, of everything I do, if I don't try to help?” And Jason suddenly understood. Because deep down Bruce had always been a little kid who saw his parents get murdered in front of him. And that trauma had fucked him up, and he had just wanted to help other traumatized fucked up people to be better. 

“...fucking hell, Bruce. I don't know if I’m glad or just amazed you are still like this...” he managed to say, laughing weakly “I guess I shouldn't really be surprised, you wouldn't be you if you didn't believe in people. As annoying as that can be. Guess that also explains why you've always been so soft on kids on bad situations too, uh? I mean who else finds a street rat trying to steal their tires and adopts them instead of just bringing them to the police or something” 

And not just him, all his kids had come from terrible situations. Dick seeing his parents murdered in front of him just like Bruce, Tim who had apparently been neglected as fuck by his parents because he remembered beign told that they didnt even notice he was Robin, Damian and Cassandra’s whole life being raised up to be assassins. They had all needed someone, and Bruce had helped them. 

“...did you know the day I found you… it was the anniversary of… of my parents death…?” Bruce mumbled, which made Jason look at him surprised. “I always go on that day, to Crime Alley…. Every year… I always feel miserable…. When I returned to my car and found three tires missing, I laughed” 

“...I don’t think that's enough reason to take a kid in, B, but sure…” he managed a laugh as well. Of course Bruce went to Crime Alley every year for his parents death. That was the typical melodramatic stunt Bruce would do, he should have figured that was a thing. He apparently choose the best day to try to steal the batmobiles tires and caught him in a sentimental moment. 

“...I took you in because I liked how brave you were. And because I believed in you” 

“....what?” 

“I believed you were a good person, and that given the opportunity you would thrive and do good in the world” 

“Okay, shut up” he growled. This conversation couldn't be happening. 

“I’m serious” he argued, looking at him with a strange determination. 

“No, look…” he tried to stay calm. Getting mad at a kid was against everything in him, stupid kid Bruce making him want to be nice to him “I… I am a fuck up, okay? I killed people, and that's just against your morals and your code and everything you stand for, we just went over this! I hurt you. I hurt your children, just because I was mad at you” 

“You weren't fully yourself, the Lazarus pit made you more susceptible to anger” 

“That doesn't change that I did it! It doesn't change that it was fucked up!” he didn’t know why his anger at Bruce managed to overwrite his usual protectiveness of children when it came to Bruce’s kids, but that was something he couldn’t just forget he actually did. How could them, and specially Bruce, not hate him after that? 

“I know that, but I also know you regret it. You are still good” Bruce reassured him. 

“...how can you just… say that so easily… like you actually believe it...” Jason cast his gaze down, looking at his hands, he could almost feel the blood in them “I… I don't believe that…” 

After a moment Bruce got close, slipping his arms around Jason's neck and hugging him. It was so weird, because Bruce was petting his hair and his back like he was consoling him, but he was the small one. It had always been the other way around, Bruce had always been bigger and enveloped him when he hugged him. It had always made Jason feel so safe. 

“Jason, you are good” he assured him once more, with a firm conviction that felt stronger than anything coming from a kid should. He had said earlier he was the center of Bruce, he was all those stupid morals that held him together, his strongest convictions. And he just completely and without a single doubt believed Jason was good. Jason felt a sob escape his throat, and couldn't help but hug the boy back and let him console him through it despite how weird it was. 

Bruce’s apparently current faith in him was something he couldn't quite comprehend. Back when he had been young and innocent? Sure, he could believe Bruce saw good in him then. After coming back full of anger, after hurting Bruce and his family in the most cruel ways he could find? When Jason looked back at some of the things he did in his fits of rage, even if at the moment he had felt completely justified in all his actions, he did feel regret over some of it. It seemed unbelievable Bruce would still think Jason was any good after that. And yet here he was, saying he did. 

After he managed to calm down and noticed Bruce was still just petting his hair, touching that white stripe he had with open curiosity. He kept running his fingers through it and the other parts of his hair, fascinated. 

“...what are you doing…?” 

“It's softer than the rest of your hair….” he explained, like that was enough of a reason to be so absorbed in it. 

“I can’t believe that's what you are focusing on after all this shit we just talked about” he laughed in disbelief, rubbing his eyes. 

“I’ve always been a bit curious about it since you came back with it, but it's hard to get close to you to check this kind of things…” 

“...yeah I guess so. So! We should probably get you over to where the other you is so I can have you all in the same place and all” he got up, unconsciously picking Bruce up without even thinking. Fuck, he really had just picked up a small Bruce Wayne in his arms. He wished he had a camera, Dick would have paid millions to be in his position, or just to see this. 

“Alright, sure” Jason began to walk back but then hit his hand against his face, only just now realizing something. 

“Wait, ah shit!” Bruce looked at him confused “He’s in the cave, you can't go there” 

“Why?” 

“You are afraid of bats” he stated, and Bruce looked at him blankly for a couple of seconds, and then just laughed. 

“I can wait in the study till you find the others, but I think I might have gotten used to bats by now…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't think a big part of Bruce Wayne is just believing in people and trying to help them I don't know what to tell you. You could watch the batman animated series, in which there's a lot of attempts from the villains to try to go for redemption, and Bruce tends to doubt them because he doubts everything, but he does hope for the best? I mean in that series there's things like how he brought Harley that dress she got, or found Selinas cat for her, or is always there for Harvey, he even gave a job to the ventriloquist when he did manage to go through a redemption arc there! The Gray Ghost watching was also a blatant reference to the animated series here by the way, in the episode Thomas Waynes just reads the paper while Burce watches the show while actually dressed in a Grey Ghost costume like the dork he is.   
> But yeah we all know Bruce Wayne deep down is just a very traumatized child who wanted to help people never have to feel that kind of pain he did, so, moral center.  
> Also I, like Jason here, am also still pissed about the wedding thing, and you can't tell me the batkids wouldn't be a bit salty about it too after all the effort they put to make things work out too(and they ship it a bit, come on).


	5. The street rat

It had taken them longer than Bruce would like to admit, but both he and the young Jason managed to finally calm down. He had already indulged in this rare opportunity long enough, he had to get back to his original task.

Bruce looked around and tried to think of what place would be most likely to attract some part of his son. He remembered Crime Alley did have a small library, and though it was worth a shot. “Exactly what part of me are you expecting to find there, B? The bookworm part?” Jason asked him when he informed him of his idea. 

“Perhaps” he almost smiled at that “But it's more likely than not that it's an important place anyway. You probably went there a lot as a kid, right?” 

“Well, yeah… libraries are safe, and warm, and there's a lot of books...” just as Bruce had always suspected then. When Jason had arrived at the Wayne manor he had loved the library immediately, since he was apparently already in love with books. It didn't take much for Bruce to guess that for a street kid to have already known that many books he had to have spent a lot of time in a library, and that that would probably be a safe place to take refuge in during that time of his Jason's life. So it wasn't that hard to imagine that some part of Jason would do the same now. 

The building was as beaten down as most were around town, which in a public building was never a good thing. Bruce made a mental note to himself to make sure more of his charity money went to libraries. However when they entered he was surprised to find a much bigger library than what its size would have suggested from the outside. Since it was just a mind projection, he guessed the library needed to be bigger than the real one to house all the books that were there. 

“Woah the library in Crime Alley isn't this big...” his companion commented, also surprised by this difference apparently. 

“Are these all books you've read?” Bruce asked, thinking that might be the reason it was so different. 

“Uh? Probably…” he approached one of the nearby shelves and looked over the books in it, nodding “Yep I've read all of these. I guess over the years I have read a whole library without noticing, wow...” 

Bruce smiled a bit, looking around and feeling pride swell in his chest. He had always felt oddly proud and fond of Jasons love for books and learning. Maybe it was because he also enjoyed it, as he had always enjoyed quiet pastimes and knowing as many things as possible was practically built into him, and his other children weren't as appreciative of it. 

Trying to get Dick to actually sit down and read without being read to was almost impossible, and he had even dropped out of college, which honestly Bruce still was a bit mad about. Not that he could reproach him much without sounding like a hypocrite, he did drop out of medical school after all, and if he said Batman had taken priority over college Dick would just be proven more right as he had also dropped out to continue his hero work. 

Later on he was a bit surprised Tim wasn’t as interested in school, but since he was a genius he didn’t actually see any point in it or put work into it beyond passing. He did enjoy some reading at least, but not to the same level as Jason. Cassandra liked being read to, but she found reading by herself hard and never actually went to school. And then there was Damian, who thought all his schooling was still somehow beneath him. He did read occasionally, history books or books about taking care of his numerous pets, but not that many fiction books. 

In the end if Bruce wanted to share his thoughts on some new mystery novel or informative book Jason was the only one he could really count on. Talking about some books they read recently was one of the few easy conversation topics he had managed to find with Jason, and he was grateful to at least still have that to fall back on. 

“...I should get you more books when we get back” he said out loud without even thinking. 

“What? Don't you think these are enough?” came the laughing reply. 

“One has never read enough books… you know, I bet you could get a college degree in literature if you really wanted...” he said distractedly, remembering Jason had been really excited to go to college when he was young. 

“Ah… well that would be... nice” Jason said, seemingly a bit overwhelmed by that suggestion “I… miss school, and college is probably way better, right? And actually it would be really good to be able to brag to Dick that I actually finished college now that I think about it, but I am still technically… you know, dead” 

Bruce sighed a bit at hearing that. It was true that Jason had kept pretending he was dead to the world, only his family and close friends knew the truth. Bruce didn’t quite agree with Jasons lack of civilian life, and would have been happy to help him come officially back to life. That was something he had always meant to bring up to Jason, but had always decided to just postpone that conversation. Or excuse himself by thinking if Jason wanted to take his life back he would just ask. 

Bruce had been afraid that Jason didn’t want to be ‘Jason Todd: the official adopted child of Bruce Wayne’ anymore, and that was partly what was keeping him from even suggesting to him that he should come back to life in a more official manner. But now... he wasn't so sure. It was starting to seem likely Jason didn’t think that coming back to life as himself was even a possibility open to him, so maybe he needed to actually say it for him to see it was. “...we could change that, if you… if you wanted…” he managed to say. 

Before he could continue that conversation however, he noticed there was indeed someone else at the library and stopped in his tracks. This Jason seemed to notice him at around the same time and glared at him from behind the book he was currently reading, apparently quite annoyed at having been found and interrupted. He was even younger than the Jason that was now standing behind him, and was dressed in a red hoodie that was too big for him and very worn jeans. It was clearly Jason before he took him in, back when he was still living in the streets. 

“Ah. So, I guess you've found me, congratulations” he said, putting his book down while Bruce got close and sat down next to him. Bruce couldn't help but smile at hearing him talk, which made the kid frown “What are ya smiling at?” 

“I forgot how thick your Gotham accent was back then” he explained, which caused both Jasons to blink at him in surprise. 

“I clean up nice” the older one said, a bit confused, while the youngest one just glared. 

“Got a problem with it?” 

“No, no, you got me wrong…” he laughed softly “It’s… nice, I like it. It’s nostalgic, I suppose…” Bruce had never really told Jason to get rid of his accent, but the boy had done it anyway. Maybe he thought it stuck out too much with his new environment, after all Gotham academy was full of rich kids that didn’t have that crude Gotham accent that Jason had from Crime Alley. Bruce had never really asked. The accent still slipped back sometimes, when Jason was tired or didn't realize he was using it again. Secretly Bruce had always enjoyed being able to hear it again. 

“...you’re really fucking weird, ya know?” the youngest said, arching an eyebrow at Bruce’s strange amusement. “Anyway, I see you got this older yet somehow softer me following you around like a little duckling, I guess you want me to follow you too?” 

“I guess that would be the idea, yes, I do need all parts of you” he answered. He hadn’t expected to end up followed by children, but then again that seemed to be his life story. 

“...do ya?” the young one muttered, as he frowned at Bruce with clear skepticism “Because we both know that at least one part of me is gonna be the Red Hood and he’s gonna hate you” 

“I did think that was a possibility...” actually he was surprised he hadn't encountered him yet, maybe the Red Hood was preparing some kind of grand entrance, he was nothing if not dramatic. It was a confrontation he would rather not have, but he would get him to agree to touch the medallion, somehow. He would cross that bridge where he got to it. “But I still will get all of you” 

“You say that, but it would be so easy for you to just try to… I don't know, eliminate that part of me, so you could have your nice little Robin back” he pointed at his older self acusatorily “We all know he's the one you really want, the rest of us here are probably just extra baggage” 

“Jay…” Bruce began, not sure how to confront that. He didn't even think it was possible to just eliminate a part of Jason like that in this weird magical situation, but even if it was, Bruce would have never done such a thing. Even if it was a part of Jason that hated him like the Red Hood was sure to be, it was still part of him. To say that Bruce only wanted Jason as he was in his Robin days, as if he didn’t like who he was now… this was another misconception on Jason's part that Bruce needed to clear up. 

He was about to try to explain himself, but at that moment the older Jason spoke up. “...you are like my skepticism or something aren't you?” he said, after watching his younger self with curiosity for a bit “You talk like you expect the worst of people” 

“Yeah, cause people are the worst” 

“It’s Bruce! He would never do stuff like that” 

“Oh yeah cause he's never done anything that hurt us before” the young one he rolled his eyes. 

“I mean, yeah sometimes…. B-but he… he cares about us, and you must know that too!” 

“Sure, he cares, when it's convenient. Like that time he brought us to Ethiopia again to see if we knew anything about reviving the death, wasn't that a nice day” 

“That was...!” 

“Jason, both of you, stop it” Bruce interrupted them, making the both flinch a bit at his grave tone. He had been caught off guard by that sudden argument, how could the same person be in such disagreement with himself? Even if they were two very different versions of Jason, they were still him. Yet one immediately jumped to defend Bruce and the other to denounce his faults. And he had to bring up that awful trip to Ethiopia, something Jason was completely justified in still being mad about. That trip was something Bruce really regretted doing once he had calmed down from his grief over Damian, as he regretted a lot of his actions towards his family members during that period. He had been clearly too lost in grief, but that didn’t justify his actions. 

He definitely wanted to apologize for taking Jason to Ethiopia, but he and Jason had never talked about it. They avoided talking about most things, as he was starting to realize. That was something he should also make a point to correct once this whole thing was over. 

Right now, however, there was a small street kid in front of him that didn’t trust him. And he needed to convince him to come along with him. Bruce sighed, and focused his gaze on him “I understand your doubts. I… have made a lot of mistakes over the years, and a lot of them must have hurt you more than I realized. I am sorry about that Ethiopia trip, and about so many more things I'm sure you still hold against me. We really need to talk about many things once this whole ordeal is over, but right now I need you to trust me and come with me” the young Jason was looking at him with a slight frown, not fully convinced. “I can’t really blame you for having doubts, you had to be wary to survive back in the streets, and that's not something you just forget even after all these years…. I remember it took you a long time to start trusting me when I brought you to the manor…” 

“I couldn't understand why you were so… nice, without expecting anything in exchange, apparently. Like, things don't work like that, it was fucking weird. I kept waiting for you to ask something from me, but you never did” Jason said. Bruce did remember how back then Jason seemed to just be waiting for the other shoe to drop, ready to run away at any second. “When I was Robin it started to kinda made sense that you just let me stay. Like, at least that gave me a purpose there, so that was better” 

“I didn't bring you in just to make you Robin, Jason” Bruce replied. 

“...you didn't?” both Jasons were looking at him in confusion at that. 

“If I did, I wouldn't have adopted you” he answered, which apparently surprised both as well. Bruce couldn't understand how all his past actions had been so misunderstood, and he didn’t even notice until then. How could he explain...? “...you were the first kid I officially adopted. And the only one, for a long time…” 

“But isn’t Dick your kid too?” the young one immediately retorted. 

“Yes, he is now, and he was back then in spirit, but… I never officially adopted him back then. I thought he didn't want me to replace his parents, so I didn't push it” It had seemed like the right decisions at the time, Dick had his own parents who had just died in front of him and the memory had been too fresh and raw. Bruce hadn’t wanted to make Dick think he was trying to replace them, so he had settled for taking him in as his ward. But that decision had created quite a breach between them as time went on, as Dick must have though he didn't want him as his actual son, even if that couldn't have been further from the truth. But he had adopted Jason first, which must have cemented that line of thought for Dick for the longest time. When Bruce had finally realized the problem he had offered to adopt him officially. He had wondered if maybe if he had asked earlier they wouldn't have got into such big fights during their most strained years. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t adopt Dick first, we all know I'm just the second rate Robin” the young child snorted. 

Bruce frowned at that, he had heard that kind of statement before, but he hadn’t thought Jason actually believed that. “Jason, no, you were never less than him, or anyone else for that matter” 

“Oh, come on!” he shouted, and started to count with his fingers to emphasise his points “Dick is the golden child, Tim is my improved replacement, Damian is your actual blood son as he loves to remind everyone, and Cassandra might as well be cause we all know she's the favorite. Me? I'm just the family disappointment” 

Bruce had to breathe in slowly to calm himself. Why did all his children have to compare themselves to each other so much? They got into so many fights because they somehow thought he loved them more or less than the other. 

“I didn't… set out to have all of you kids in my life… but you all needed me when I found each of you, and I couldn't just leave you. But you are all so different… and you just keep clashing sometimes, and I don't know how to stop it” It was really hard to keep up with all of them, if he had to stop every discussion Tim and Damian got in he wouldn’t have time for anything else. “But that doesn’t mean I love any of you less. And specially you, Jason. When I found you… you were alone…” 

He couldn't help but glance at the ragged clothes this younger Jason had when he said that. It was like seeing that small thief that stole his tires and his heart with the hit of a tire iron all over again. He had known that instant that he had found someone special. 

“Such a brave and bright young boy who the world had been cruel to, who deserved so much more. And I wanted to help you, and the more I knew you the more I wanted to... be your father, if I could and… and you wanted it…” he managed to confess. He had honestly been terrified of being rejected when he had decided to bring the adoption question up to Jason. He knew Jason hadn't had the best experiences with parental figures in his life, with both Willis and Catherine Todd, so asking to officially be his adoptive father could have gone very wrong. He had been so, so glad when Jason had accepted. 

“Of course I wanted it Bruce, who wouldn't want to be rich” the Robin Jason tried to joke to lighten the mood, but his younger self didn’t get distracted. 

“I… really wanted to believe… that you wanted me to be your son… but clearly you just wanted another little soldier” he frowned “And now I cant even be that, I'm just an outlaw. So I guess in the end I still didn't do nothing right” 

“Anything right” the Robin Jason corrected, earning him a glare. 

“Jay…” he raised his hand and Jason flinched for a second, but seeing how slowly he was approaching he reluctantly let him lay his hand on his hair, ruffling a bit “I always just wanted you to be happy… to be the very best version of you you could be, and if that included Robin then of course I had to train you and help you make it yours. But it never was the price to pay for staying, it never was supposed to be a mandatory requirement. And it still isn't necessary that you do anything to gain the right to be my son, you already are, you will always be” 

That gave the young Jason pause. He didn't try to slap his hand away, in fact he seemed to be enjoying the hair ruffling despite is slight pout when it began again, so Bruce thought maybe he had managed to get through. At least he really hoped so. After a bit he sighed, finally standing up. 

“...alright. Alright I’ll go with you. But for the record I still think this is gonna end up horrible when we find those other parts of me that hate your guts” 

“Fair enough…” Bruce stood up as well, and when he looked down at the part of his son before him, he couldn't help but smile again. 

“...you’re looking at me all weird again” he crossed his arms defensively. 

“I had also forgotten how small you were back then” standing right next to his Robin stage, which had been on a good diet and grown quite a bit by that time, his younger malnourished self seemed even smaller. 

“Hey! Fuck you! You know I grow up to be almost as tall as you!” he complained, blushing slightly. 

“I know, I know, but you are just so… small right now…” he smirked, getting closer, and Jason jumped back, realizing what he was planning. 

“Oh, no no no, you aren't picking me up! I'm not a kid!” Bruce remembered hearing that kind of proclamations from Jason before, back when he was still this small, and this time he said what he hadn’t dared to say back then. 

“But you are” he quickly managed to grab him and pick him up in his arms despite Jason's protests and squirming “You are my kid. My now very small kid who weighs nothing” 

“Maybe I actually do fucking hate you...” the small Jason grumbled, but his older self was laughing and asking to be picked up as well, so Bruce really didn’t think he truly meant that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really love Jasons love for literature and learning, maybe it's because I was also a huge nerd. If Jason didn't die he probably would have become the golden child who Bruce would use as an example because he actually finished college, unlike even Bruce himself.  
> Also I like to imagine the Gotham accent is a thing and Jason had it bad when he was small and he got rid of it over time, but it never truly went away.  
> Poor young Jason was so tiny, and when he just got him home Bruce probably wouldn't have dared to just pick him up like that, but seeing him like this again, who could let a chance like this go? I certainly can’t blame Bruce for indulging in having two smoll versions of Jason at arms reach and just HAVING to pick them up.


	6. The broken man

Little Bruce seemed happy to stay at the study when they got there, bringing out a book and letting Jason go back to his search. So on he went, still not sure where he should look. He just kept opening every room he came across and hoping to find something as weird as that out of place tv from earlier.

He was still surprised when he entered a room and found it in the dark when the rest of the mansion seemed to be stuck during the day, and more surprisingly it also had its windows broken. He had never seen any windows in the manor like that before, it almost looked like an abandoned building. 

“Who broke all his windows…?” he asked out loud without even thinking. 

“Vandals, I think. I wasn’t around at the time” answered a voice from the shadows. Jason flinched and immediately turned toward him, knowing it had to be Bruce obviously, but not exactly knowing what to expect of a part of the man that apparently decided hanging out in a dark room with broken windows was where he wanted to be. He didn't expect what he saw. 

“Wow you look like shit” he couldn't help but remark. And this Bruce really did, starting with the fact that he was in a wheelchair. He also looked incredibly tired, and hadn't bothered to shave, which was something Bruce didn’t usually neglect. Jason had seen Bruce in bad shape before, but somehow this seemed worse. Bruce always had fire in his eyes even when he was beaten up, but this one just… he looked exhausted. He only remembered seeing Bruce that bad back when that horrible cult had managed to break him. After searching for him he had finally found him half crazed in a pile of corpses in the sewers, thinking he was in hell. Back then he had to slap him to bring him out of it, and for a moment then Bruce looked about as defeated as he did now in front of him. 

“I am aware” the strange Bruce simply said, looking at him with sadness. Like he was seeing a ghost. He had expected to find some part of Bruce that was brooding or something, it was Bruce after all, but this was just unnerving. 

He really tried not to, but he couldn't help it, he had to ask. “Why are you in a wheelchair?” 

“Because my back was broken” the confusion must have been clear on Jason's face because he elaborated “It was after you... while you were gone…. Bane wanted to break me… he came into the manor, he defeated me and he broke my back…” 

Jason had not looked too deep into what Bruce did back when he had been dead. The replacement had certainly tried to tell him a lot of times that Bruce had been in a very bad state, that he had needed a Robin or he would have snapped and killed someone, but he tried to ignore his attempts at justifying him taking his place. 

He did read between newspaper articles that there had been a time where Batman changed his costume drastically and had acted in a very strange and violent way, to the point where he had refused to work with the police. Jason figured it had just been someone else acting as Batman for whatever reason, it wouldn't even be the first time he got impersonated, because all of that hadn’t sounded like things Bruce would do. So maybe the reason someone else acted as Batman for a time was that Bruce had… his back broken. 

By Bane. And he said he came into the manor, which meant Bane knew that Bruce was Batman. Now that he thought about it Bruce always seemed to get very concerned when it came to confronting Bane, he had told all of his kids to stay away from him with a lot more insistence than was usual for him. 

“I… didn't know about that…” Jason finally said, not knowing what else to answer to that revelation. 

“It’s fine, not many of you really know… it's probably better that way...” maybe the replacement knew about what happened during that whole incident then. This sounded like something that he probably tried telling him about and Jason had promptly ignored. 

“So I guess you must be like… what, the really tired part of Bruce? Cause seriously you look like hell, and it's not just that you are hurt…” Jason didn’t know why seeing Bruce so defeated was making him so unnerved. 

“I think… maybe I'm the resigned part” the man answered after a moment of silence “The part that knows I deserve all this suffering that comes my way… and I probably took this form because this was the most broken I've ever been” 

“It couldn't have been that bad if you are walking around now” he tried to argue. Bruce didn’t have any superpowers, but Jason had heard people say his stubbornness and determination probably was superhuman, so honestly knowing he walked again after knowing his back had been broken didn’t seem that strange. Even though it certainly still was. 

“It was more than just the physical trauma, Jason…” he paused after saying that last word, and Jason frowned. The way he just said his name was somehow strange. He said it almost with... reverence. He didn’t know how to react to that. “My back was just the last straw, Bane had let a bunch of Arkham inmates out to weaken me before he came after me, and I was sick before even that, and… well…” he looked at him again “Really what it all comes down to is… you died, and I… I couldn't move on...” 

Jason tried really hard not to show how hard those words hit. 

“You didn't care about my death” he immediately retorted, trying to not give himself time to think otherwise. He knew he hadn't cared. He had got a new Robin and got over it, Jason was replaced. He had let the Joker go on living, he had never avenged him. He hadn't cared. That was the truth. “You just put up a little monument to your little perfect soldier and moved on” 

Bruce glance down at that, thoughtful. “...when Bane was beating me in the cave he threw me against that glass case and broke it...” he finally said. 

“Oh really? A pity that case didn’t stay broken then, I hate that fucking thing” and he really did hate it. It was a monument to the boy he used to be, and since it was still there despite him being back to life clearly it proved Bruce cared more about that image of who he used to be than about the actual him. And that plaque, that plaque that said ‘A good soldier’. Like that was all he was, a good obedient soldier. He had thought he was more, he thought he was… it didn't matter. Clearly Bruce hadn't really thought of him as anything more than that. 

“Yes, you said you hated it before… but its not for you, just partly, it's mostly for me. It was for me to remember that… that I let you die. That it was my fault. So I just put it back up later because I still need the reminder….” Bruce murmured “But I remember when Bane just threw me into it and your uniform fell on me… I laid there in the floor holding your mask and muttering your name while trying… trying not to just… stop fighting and let it end” 

Jason had to pause and blink a couple of times to process that, because that sounded an awful lot like Bruce had wanted to just give up and die. That made no sense. Bruce never gave up, even in the worst of situations. Imagining Bruce lying in the remains of a broken case with his old suit and wanting to give up was… a mental image he didn’t want. He vaguely remembered Tim saying at one point he had been scared Bruce didn't want to be alive anymore back when Jason had died. Jason had though it had just been an exaggeration to get him to go easier on the old man, but… but what if it had been true? 

He didn’t want to think about Bruce being dead. The time they all thought he was… that had been an awful time for everyone. Jason had lashed out as he always did, trying really hard to pretend he didn’t care. He could admit now that he really had, he couldn't conceive of not having Bruce there, that Bruce had died while they were still angry at each other and he would never know how much he still meant for him. Maybe that had been why later when Bruce had died briefly but came back without his memories Jason had actually hugged him and thanked him for everything that he had done for him when he saw him again without much thought. 

And now he finds out there had been a point where Bruce had almost just… given up. 

“What the fuck Bruce?!” he finally screamed, since reacting with anger was always easier for him “You dont give up, you’ve never given up, ever, what the fuck happened to make you think that then?! Bane and some villains beating the shit out of you? That couldn't have been that bad! I bet the Joker was between them and you just let him scape with a slap on the wrist, like usual, you know, the normal stuff for you!” 

“He was one of the villains Bane let scape, yes. He teamed up with the scarecrow and they hit me with fear gas… and I saw him hurting you” Jasons breath caught. Fear gas was the worst, after he came back from the dead he had tried to avoid it as much as he could, because if it had been bad before, now his hallucinations tended to include a crowbar and a horrible laughter he still couldn't get out of his head. To hear that Bruce saw him getting hurt when hit with it... “I got rid of the gas but… you were still death and he was still laughing like it was a sick joke and I… I beat him and all I could say was your name over and over… it wasn't the only time that happened…. When Hush brought the Joker against me I also almost beat him to death” 

Jason had noticed that Bruce had gotten more brutal after he died. He still never used excessive force for the most part, but… it was different. Tim had insisted that Bruce had been very close to snapping and going too far when he had intervened, and some of the news articles he had read from that time had remarked on Batmans very violent turn when he had been doing his research after he came back. And it was true that the Joker had gotten beaten up more often than before, but... 

“...but you didn't kill him. You never avenged me…” he insisted. He couldn't let himself forget that. He couldn't just stop resenting Bruce for it. Jason had died and Bruce just let his killer walk, and Jason couldn't understand how that was possible when he knew he would have destroyed that clown if he had killed Bruce and left him alive. If Bruce had cared about him he would have killed the Joker, that was what he had been telling himself for years. 

“I thought I did for a bit...” Bruce muttered, and Jason thought he couldn't have heard right, but Bruce continued “After… right after you died. I wanted to kill him, I was going to. Clark was there, and he tried to stop me, I even punched him in the face. The Joker tried to escape in a helicopter, I managed to get in and it was going down, and… I could have just taken him out, but I jumped. I left him to die. And the helicopter crashed and exploded, and I thought he was death. And I didn't care” 

Jason hadn't known about that. That Bruce had… come very close to breaking his no killing rule for him. That he had sorta broken it, even if it was in a passive way. It wasn’t quite what he had wanted, but… if he had come that close then… Jason must have actually meant something to him. He wasn’t just forgotten. 

“Why have you never told me that…?” if he had known that Bruce had tried to kill the Joker before, maybe he wouldn’t have latched onto the idea that he was unavenged as much. 

“Because it didn't matter” Bruce answered him, “In the end he wasn't death, and when you came back… you just wanted me to kill him” Jason frowned a bit at that. It wasn't just that he had wanted him to kill the Joker, not exactly. Maybe if he had known about Bruce leaving the Joker for death in that helicopter things wouldn't have to get as intense as they got when he set up his big revenge plan. Maybe he wouldn't have set up that situation in which Bruce had to choose between letting Jason shoot the Joker or shooting the Joker himself. It had been the most extreme course of action he could think of, something to make Bruce take a decision, choose between his rules or him. And yet Bruce had found another way. He hadn't chosen Jason, and the Joker walked out alive. In the end Jason had gotten nothing out of that except feeling more hollow. 

Bruce seemed to be thinking about that same situation when he began talking again “You just… you set it all up to make me shoot him. To make me kill him. And I couldn't do it, not then or the many times I almost beat him to death. So in the end it doesn't matter that I was about to once, or how much I still want to. It doesn't matter” 

That choice of words finally made Jason realize what was truly bothering him about this part of Bruce he had in front of him. “You… you are talking like nothing really matters. Like it’s fine that all of these things happened to you. You are talking like YOU don't matter!” 

“Because I don't” came the immediate answer “I don’t matter” 

“Fucking hell Bruce, of course you do!!” he finally got close and grabbed Bruce by the arms, unable to contain himself from trying to beat some sense into him. All of this was giving him flashbacks to Catherine, those many nights where he couldn't sleep because he was worried she would overdose or choke on her own vomit if he wasn’t there to make sure she lived. He already had to deal with one parent dying becuase they couldn’t fight hard enough, he wasn’t going to let it happen to Bruce when he knew for a fact Bruce was one of the most determined persons in the world “You are the center of this stupid bat family of yours, you know how bad it was when we tougth you died?! You matter, you can't just give up and accept every shitty thing that has happened like you deserve it or something!” 

“I do deserve it, it’s all of you kids who don’t” another thing clicked in Jason's mind at that. Of course, Bruce also blamed himself for everything that happened to the rest of the family. Of course he did. 

“I swear to god Bruce, if you don't stop with this shit…” 

“All of you suffer because of me. Because you were close to me. Dick, Tim, Damian, you… especially you. It’s okay if all of you hate me, I deserve it, it's better for me to be alone and you kids to be mad at me then to be close to me and be hurt...” 

“Bruce you aren’t the fucking center of the universe! Not everything is your fault!” 

“It is. All of you came into this life because of me… you are my children, I should protect you, I should never let bad things happen to you... so it’s my fault when they do” 

Jason had to take a deep breath to calm himself. Bruce was a self blaming idiot, he could deal with that. He had to, since he was the only one there. He had to make him see that not everything was his fault, and especially not when bad things happened to all his kids. “It's not your fault. We all make our own choices, we choose to come into this life. We all decided to be heroes. You didn’t force us, and you can't be everywhere, as much as you would want to” 

“I let Dick become Robin, and I still remember that beating Harvey gave him right in front of me that I couldn't stop. If I hadn't been so broken Tim wouldn't have to become Robin, and his father wouldn't have been targeted just for being the family member of a hero. I didnt even know Damian existed for most of his life, if I could have gotten him away form Talia earlier none of what lead to his death would have happened” Fuck, Bruce really did blame himself for everything, and if the sadness in his eyes when looking at him meant what he tought it meant he knew what he was goign to bring up next. “It was my fault… it was my fault you died. I should have been there earlier. I never should have left you alone like that, I should have known you would disobey if it was to protect someone. It was all my fault...” 

“You and your fucking martyr complex, oh my god!” he shouted. He wanted to slap him, maybe that would make him stop acting strange, it worked before after all. “I already told you I forgave you for not saving me, that wasn't what I was mad about!” 

“In those last moments… when you realized I wasn't coming to save you in time… for the longest time I wondered if you hated me for it...” he mumbled, and he sounded almost afraid when he said that. Probably scared he was about to receive confirmation. 

“...you really do love torturing yourself uh?” usually he would jump at the chance to say something that would hurt Bruce like that, but this wasn’t normal Bruce, this was just a part of him. A part of him that apparently only had self hatred and blame in him. It would be like beating a dead horse. So he just decided to tell the truth. “...no, I remember… I thought of you in those last moments, but not to hate you… I was sad, and sorry and… I think I thanked you, for all you did for me…” 

“...Jason…” the man raised his hand, caressing Jason's cheek hesitantly. It was such a soft touch, like he was afraid his touch would break him or he was an apparition that would disappear before him if he got too close. Jason had never seen Bruce look at him with so much emotion as he was now, just staring up at his eyes with so much sadness and regret. “My boy... My brave boy, who I had sworn to protect, who I would have given anything for…. And who I let die… I don't deserve you back…” 

Jason tried really hard to hold onto his anger. To let it blind him like it always did. He had years of practice at it after all, years of dismissing any gesture and word coming from Bruce that could possibly mean he still cared, that he ever had. It made it easier to accept that he could never truly go back to what they once had, to feeling like he mattered to someone, to feeling that Bruce really thought of him as family. 

But here was this collection of Bruce's guilt and suffering, this broken man who couldn't even walk and had been so defeated he wanted to die. This man that thought he deserved his life to be miserable, because he had let him die and still blamed himself for it. Blamed himself for every bad thing that happened to anyone in his family despite it all being things completely out of his control. This man who somehow, despite all that, despite all that suffering and pain, still believed in people. Still somehow believed Jason was good, that he was something he apparently didn’t deserve to have. 

He put his hand over Bruce’s, leaning into his touch like he used to do when he was still a small boy starving for attention. The one he tried to pretend he wasn't anymore. 

“...you stupid old man… we don’t deserve you...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of references to Batman Knightfall here, if you want to see poor Bruce at his worst after Jason's death? Yeah I'd say this was it. Bruce getting thrown to the case did happen during that by the way, that was just cruel. While Azrael took over as Batman and Bruce left for a while the mansion got vandalized for a bit, broken windows and everything.  
> I can never decide between going with the comic version or the movie version of events for the under the red hood moment, on the one hand I dont think Bruce would do something a stupid as throw a batarang at his sons troath, on the other hand a neck scar would be cool. So I just kinda left it vague there.  
> Bruce pretty much blames himself for like 90% of all bad things that have ever happened to anyone he knows, I feel that's one of his biggest problems. Also that hes literally the personification of the "this is fine" meme when it comes to his personal life. I also feel that if Jason realized how bad this is he would jump into protective mode, because after the whole Catherine thing, letting another parent self destruct is not something he would just allow.  
> Also fuck that whole Bruce can’t be happy and be Batman bullshit, that’s like one of the stupidest things.


	7. The lost boy

Being followed by two different versions of Jason was a strange experience for Bruce, since they kept getting into small arguments despite the fact they were the same person. Somehow he felt he was again in the middle of all his kids bickering, except it was actually just one kid disagreeing with himself. He was thankful that having to deal with all his children fighting so often had given him practice to know when to just stop them before it escalated too far.

“Any idea where another one of you might hide?” he asked, interrupting another of their discussions, hoping maybe giving them a task would make them stop arguing for a while. 

“I wasn't hiding, just so you know” the youngest one said defensively, but was thoughtful for a moment “But… you know, there is a cemetery around here…” 

Bruce stiffened. The cemetery of Crime Alley. He had buried Jason there, in the same cemetery Catherine Todd had been buried, since he thought that's where he would have rather been than the Wayne manor cemetery. He was never sure about that decision, maybe the family cemetery would have been more appropriate, but back then he hadn’t been able to think much beyond the fact that his son was dead. It was a grave that he had found empty years later, when Hush has surfaced and brough Clayface to pretend to be Jason. Somehow he knew another part of his son would indeed be there, the ghost of a tragedy he hadn't fully gotten over. That he would never get over. 

As they approached the cemetery gates he turned to the kids. He was aware they probably knew what was waiting for him, but he had to go through this alone. “Please wait out here” 

“What? Bruce, we agreed I would come with you!” Robin Jason complained, crossing his arms in defiance. 

“I know, but… I don't know what I'll find in there” 

“Well, all the more reason for me to go then!” 

“Jay, please?” he grasped his shoulder, trying to communicate that he needed to fight this battle alone. 

“...do you… really want to be alone on this...?” he tilted his head in confusion “If it's what I think it is, it's not gonna be pretty, Bruce” 

“I think… I should be alone with him… at least till we get sorted out” he explained “Its hard enough to keep up with the two of you. If I go in there I… I have to give him my full attention, do you understand?” 

“...okay…. But I'll go looking for you if you haven't come back in a while, alright?” Bruce smiled, it was kinda cute and nostalgic how protective this Jason was of him. Jason had always been protective, and during his Robin days he always had Bruce’s back, after all that was what Robin is supposed to do. But he still did more than necessary sometimes, like always taking over the kitchen when Alfred was out to make sure they actually ate and Bruce didn't burn down the house, or how he used to stay up on nights in which Bruce went out to patrol alone just to make sure he got back alright. 

“Of course, it’s Robins job to take care of Batman, right?” he gave him a quick hair ruffle, making him laugh. He was about to go, but Jason grabbed his wrist quickly, looking at him with clear doubts about letting him go. 

“I don’t think he will be angry… but… just… I don't know, be safe?” he frowned “That sounds stupid somehow but… you get what I mean, right?” 

The younger Jason just looked at their interaction and snorted. “You are so fucking needy, oh my god” 

“Hey!” the Robin Jason let go of Bruce's wrist and turned to his younger self, glaring. 

“He will be fine, you just don't wanna let go! It's ridiculous! How the fuck can you be so attached? Having you follow him around like this must irritating, and that's why he's leaving you behind here!” 

“You shut up!” he got closer and grabbed him by the hoodie. 

“What, the truth hurts?” he sneered. 

“Boys, no fighting” Bruce stepped in and made them let go of each other, giving them a stern look until he was sure they would at least wait till he was gone to start again. He looked at the oldest one, who was biting his lip and looking at Bruce like he wanted to throw himself at him to never let go, again. “It doesn't bother me that you want to be around me, Jay. I would carry you around in my arms all day if I could. Is just I need to do this on my own” he turned to his youngest companion “And you need to stop trying to get a rise out of him, what would fighting between you accomplish? You are the same person after all” young Jason huffed at that, but seemed to settle down. 

Seeing this was going to be as far as he got there, he took a deep breath to calm himself. He wasn't really ready for the next part. He never truly would be. But he had to do it anyway. He opened the cemetery gates and got in before he could doubt himself more. 

The cemetery looked strange, but everything in Jason's mind looked slightly off compared to how it was in real life. He could remember exactly where Jasons grave was… there really was no reason to not go there directly. Except his own hesitation. He had hesitated to go to Jason's grave often enough during all those years where his son was dead. He had justified it to himself a million ways: there was no real point in going to a grave, he already had the case at home and grieved often enough, his son was death and going to see his grave would just confirm it even more, make it harder for him to get up the next morning. He already barely slept as it was during that time, never allowing himself to forget that he had lost his son. Go to see the grave on top of all of that… he just couldn't do it. 

In the end one of the few times he had actually seen it had been when Hush had appeared, and after that he had found it empty. 

When he finally got there the grave was disturbed just like it had been back then, and sitting right next to the angel in the gravestone was another part of his son. This one was slightly older than the ones accompanying him till then, but still couldn't be over sixteen. He was dressed in a dirty black suit which Bruce immediately recognized as the suit he had buried him in. His hands were bloodied up, one of his eyes was bloodshot and he had many other wounds around his face. Yet despite all the blood and dirt somehow the worst part was that he looked… lost. 

The moment he noticed Bruce standing in front of him is eyes focused. He seemed to light up, standing up wobbly by leaning on the angel. “Bruce…” he murmured, approaching and clutching his shirt desperately “Bruce… it’s really you, isn't it? You are here?” 

“Yes… yes, it's me, Jason…” Bruce answered, still too shocked by it all to do anything else. 

“Bruce…” he sighed, embracing him weakly. Bruce distantly noted that his shirt was getting stained with the blood and dirt in his hands, but he truly didn't care. “I was looking for you…” 

“What happened here…?” Bruce asked, looking alternatively at the distrubed grave and at his son with confusion. 

“...I crawled out” he mumbled, still burying his face in Bruce's chest “I came back and you weren't there… I called for you, I screamed for you… I looked for you, but I couldn't find you...” 

“I didn't know, Jason, I couldn't have known” he finally got over himself enough to envelop Jason with his arms, petting his hair and getting the dirt out of it, unsure of what exactly he was encountering. “I don't understand, I though Tahlia brought you back with the Lazarus pit, I didn't know you… you crawled out, or that you looked for me…. What are you? The trauma of… of your death? Of everything that happened...?” 

“...I’m disillusionment….” he murmured. It was such a strong word to describe himself, but Bruce could understand, especially after just seeing how hopeful and trusting Jason had been just before this moment. Apparently he had come back to life inside of his coffin and had crawled out on his own. He had wanted Bruce to be there, he had trusted Bruce to be there and save him, he had woken up and searched for him and he hadn't been there. Bruce had failed to save him from death in the first place, and then Jason had come back and he failed him again by not being there when he needed him. It was no wonder Jason thought Bruce had somehow abandoned him. And yet here he was, clutching at Bruce's shirt like a lifeline. 

“...I’m sorry… I would have been there if I had known…” how could he have known that his son would seemingly randomly come back to life? How could he have been prepared for that? He hadn't. Because death had been a permanent and unchangeable reality in Bruce's life up till that moment. Death had taken his parents from Bruce and never gave them back, then it had taken his son. It seemed everyone had began to come back to life after that, Clark came back, Oliver came back. Yet Bruce couldn't let himself hope that Jason would just come back, because the universe has never been kind to him. And all that time he had actually got Jason back and he hadn't even known. 

“...would you have taken me back from Tahlia too?” Jason asked softly. 

“Yes, if I had known she had you I would have rescued you in a heartbeat” How could had Tahlia hid two of his children from him without his knowledge? If he had known he would have brought them home, he would have never let anything of what they had to endure happen to them. He had seen Damians scars, he knew his time on the league had not been pleasant and he had been the grandson of its leader. Who knew what they did to Jason. 

“I wasn't exactly a prisoner, you know…? At least after… after I learnt that you...” he gulped, taking a moment to continue “After I learnt... you had replaced me… that the Joker was still alive… I choose to stay with her. I wanted to train, to… to kill you…” 

Bruce sighed, resting his face on Jason's hair. He smelt like damp earth and blood, but he could still smell his son under it all. “I… I let you down so many times, didn't I Jay...? I'm sorry… I wish I could have been there for you, I wish you didn't have to go through any of that in the first place...” 

“...do you wish I didn't come back…?” the teenager asked in such a soft and broken voice it made Bruce almost break down right there. But he couldn't allow himself that, he had to be strong for his son. 

“That isn't what I said, Jason” he replied, grasping him tighter in his arms “I am glad you came back, sometimes I still can’t believe you are really here again. I just wish… I wish I knew you would come back somehow, I wish I was there to dig you out with my own hands if that's what it took. I wish I could have found you, I wish I had taken you home and you could have just come back loved and taken care of, like you should have always been” 

“... would you have really dug me out…?” Jason frowned slightly, clearly still in disbelief. 

“I would have done anything to get you back Jason. ANYTHING” Bruce insisted. “I even thought… I once thought about putting you in the Lazarus pit, but… I was afraid your wounds would have prevented you from coming back coherent….” as far as he knew the longer one was dead the less effect the pit had, if he had gone through with that idea he was afraid he would have brought Jason back as some kind of zombie, and his son didn’t deserve that fate. 

“...Tahlia did say I was brain damaged, before she put me in the pit…” he replied “I was cathatonic for a long while, I don't remember much of that… the pit fixed it” 

“You went through so much, and I didn't even know…” he kept petting Jason's hair, not knowing if the gesture was to sooth Jason or himself. 

Bruce had always wondered what Jason had done during those missing years, that time in which Jason had somehow went from this small teenager in his arms to the grown man he had next saw him as. He had trained with the league of assassins, he knew that much, but he hadn't known about him crawling out of his grave or being cathatonic, and who knows how many other things he still didn't know. How much suffering Jason had gone through and Bruce had just not known. 

He couldn't blame this part of Jason for having lost faith in him, sometimes he wondered why he had had any in the first place. 

“...did you know it was actually me in the cemetery… during that whole Hush thing…?” Jason asked, and Bruce stop his petting to look at him in confusion for a second. 

“It was actually you?” he asked perplexed. He had never considered that during the fight in the cemetery it could have actually been Jason, after all in the end it had definitely been Clayface. He had approached that entire fight as if he was against Clayface after he got over the initial shock and deduced that was the most rational explanation. 

“...you really didn't recognize me…?” Jason mumbled as he looked down again “I thought you would… but you didn't…? I thought… I thought I would see some regret on your face when I confronted you, that I would see something to change my mind… but I didn't…. That was when I decided I would actually go through with the Red Hood plan. You… you really didn’t think it was me? I thought you did...” 

“I'm so sorry, Jay… I thought it was Clayface the whole time” he confessed. If he had known that had actually been Jason in the cemetery he wouldn't have stabbed him in the thigh as his first move, that could have been a dangerous injury… evidently he was fine, but still. “I thought if it had been really you… you would have called me Bruce, and you wouldn’t have been so confrontational because you would have known… you would have known that I love you…” 

Jason just looked confused by that statement. He was looking at Bruce like his words were incomprehensible, but by the way he clutched harder at his shirt he must have heard them and understood them. “...you love me?” 

“I do…” he smiled tiredly. At least he wasn't surprised that he was doubted this time. “Maybe I should try saying it more often, it seems you really don't believe me…” 

“...I can't believe you… but I want to…” he looked up at Bruce with tears in his eyes, a note of desperation in his voice. “I want to believe you… I want to…” 

“It's alright if you can't, Jay…” he swiped his tears carefully. He had forgotten how much of a crybaby Jason could be, he had been so used to consoling him often back when he was under his care. “I am not going to ask the impossible of just a part of you… I will convince the whole of you eventually, I hope…” or if nothing else he was going to at least try to tell him that he still loved him and he still thought of him as his son. If all this encounters with parts of Jason had proven anything was that Jason needed to actually hear Bruce say all the things he had thought he must have already known, but clearly didn’t. “Now… you should come with me, so we can get out of here as soon as possible and I can try to do that” 

“Okay… okay, but can I… can I keep… I want to hang onto you still” he bit his lip, looking at the blood stains he had left on Bruce's shirt guiltily. “Its… this is so pathetic, isn't it? But I just… you are here… I needed you, and now you are here, and I… I can't let go… it's so childish...” 

“Its fine… its not like this shirt is real anyway” he laughed a bit, putting an arm around his shoulders and letting Jason clutch to his side, rubbing his arm reassuringly. “Come on, lets reunite with the other two parts of you I found before they get worried…” 

“Another two…?” he asked, seemingly relaxing a bit against Bruce’s side, still grabbing unto his shirt. 

“Yes, only one missing…” Bruce answered. And that last one was definitely going to be the Red Hood then. It was going to be bad, he just knew. 

As soon as they got near the cemetery gates the youngest Jason interrupted the argument he was having with his Robin self and looked over to them, making the other one also stop and look. 

“Bruce!” Robin Jason ran up to him, stopping when he saw his older self hanging onto Bruce so tightly “Oh… so I guess you managed to get it all sorted out?” 

“More or less…” Bruce looked alternatively at the Robin Jason and the Jason that had just returned from the death. God, the difference between them was staggering. And yet… they were only really a couple of years apart. He put his arms around both of them, holding them close. “I wish I could have protected you both….”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did Bruce ever find out it was Jason during the whole Hush thing? Because I wasn't entirely sure, so I worked with no. I also don't think he knew about the whole crawling out of the grave thing either then. And you bet he would feel very guilty and sorry about not being there for him during all that, despite literally being no way for him to know that his resurrection would happen.  
> Can we talk about the Lazarus pit thing, because in Hush Bruce thinks about how he thought about using it on Jason but was afraid he would come back incoherent because of his wounds, but it actually healed him later on?? I think the Lazarus pit only works for resurrection on the very recently deceased so maybe Bruce was talking about that, I think, so that's what I went with.  
> But yeah still with the whole behaving like they would have at that moment, zombie Jason here is even more extremely clingy for Bruce cause did you see how desperate he was to find him back them? He kept asking for him over and over, even when he was barely coherent. And he called him his father, like...woah.


	8. The father

Jason had wheeled the injured Bruce to the study. He didn't know what he had expected to happen when that one and Bruce’s childhood self met, but they just kinda looked at each other in the eyes and nodded. The wheelchair bound man looked over what little Bruce had been reading and they apparently silently agreed to read it together while they waited. It was almost like seeing Cassandra dealing with Bruce, with their silent but somehow completely understood communication.

He only had another Bruce to find. However after doing another sweep through the manor he hadn't really seen anyone else. There was a part of the manor he had been avoiding during all his searching until that moment, but… well, he guessed there was no avoiding it anymore. 

The family wing. It was where all the family bedrooms were, Bruce and all his children had their rooms there. It was were his old room was, which he liked to avoid if he could. 

He was debating which bedroom he should check first as he reached the place when he saw that Bruce was just right there, walking down the corridor, touching the bedroom doors with a fond smile on his face. What was even weirder was that he looked… young. Younger than he currently was anyway. He looked like he was in his early thirties, at most. 

“Bruce” Jason said to call his attention. 

“Jay… I was waiting for you” he looked over to him and smiled, approaching Jason in a surprisingly relaxed way. “I hoped you would come here eventually…” 

“Why do you… why do you look so young? You look like…” 

“Like when I took care of you? Yes… I suppose I do” he laughed softly, which almost made Jason do a double take. It was just so strange to see Bruce acting so carefree “You'd think having three extra kids after this would count more, but… I guess I always considered myself at my most fatherly when I was with you” 

“That’s bullshit” Jason immediately replied. No. He couldn't do this. This couldn't be real. 

“Is it that hard to believe that being a father is a strong part of me?” 

“It's a hard thing to believe that being…” he wanted to say that being his father counted at all, but the words wouldn't come out. Because Jason had wanted him to be, he might have been in paper, he might have thought of him as such, but he couldn't just say it “That… that taking care of me counted at all” 

“Jay…” the man said with a small sigh, and Jason could feel his resolve get weaker just with that single word. That nickname, that little nickname that he rarely heard anymore, the nickname he wouldn't admit he missed hearing. Bruce used to call him that so often back then... sometimes when they had a moment he still did, but those were so rare he though he imagined it most of the time. 

“You can’t… you can’t just fucking do this to me, ok? Just this… this fatherly bullshit, it's not fair” He had spent years telling himself that Bruce never cared. Putting a barrier between Bruce and him, not allowing himself to crave for Bruce’s attention and approval openly, because if he did that he would just get hurt again. And he didn't know if he could take the pain another time. 

And yet… 

The Bat has said he was more than just an enemy. The kid has said that he had liked his bravery, that Jason was good despite all the wrongs he had done. The broken part had looked at Jason like he was a miracle he didn’t dare to touch in case he disappeared, he had said he didn't deserve him back. And now this version of Bruce that looked exactly like he had back when he took care of him was just there in front of him, looking at him with fondness in his eyes and calling him Jay. Like he still cared about him. 

Jason couldn't just… accept this as real, could he? After all this time…. 

“Jason, why would I lie to you…?” Bruce put a hand on Jason's shoulder, and Jason wanted to try to slap him away to stop this moment of weakness, to keep him at a distance again. But the weight of his hand was just so… comforting “I am part of Bruce, just as much as any other part, and you are my son” 

“I… I’m not. Not anymore. I was… I was your son when I was little, maybe, but now? I am no one’s son” that was a phrase he had used back when he had just become the Red Hood, when he wanted to make clear he was no longer that little kid who had followed Bruce around everywhere, no longer that kid that adored his dad even though he wouldn't want to admit it. He was no one’s, because Bruce had been the only father he had ever truly had, the only one that truly counted, and he had left him behind. 

“You will always be my son” he got even closer, still with one hand on Jason's shoulder while he ran the other through his hair with a small ruffle, finally letting it lay it in the nape of his neck. “No matter what you do or how much time passes. You are my son, you are mine to protect and care for, even if you think you don't need me to. And I will always consider you that, I will always care about you” he smiled, resting his forehead against Jason’s “Jay... you are mine” 

Jason felt his breath stop for a moment. It was too much. It was just too fucking much. This seemed like a dream he didn't want to wake up from, a dream in which Bruce still wanted him, in which he had never stopped loving him. 

In which Bruce had just called him his. His son. 

Deep down Jason knew he had always longed to belong again, to feel at home again in the manor and not like a ghost of the kid who had. He wanted to feel safe again, like he had felt for the first time when he had finally realized Bruce truly wanted to adopt him, that he truly wanted him there. He wanted to feel at home with his dad again. 

But he couldn't let other people know that, couldn’t let anyone know he still cared so much about what Bruce thought of him. He talked big about not caring what Bruce said or did, but he still didn't want to disappoint him, and it was pathetic. He couldn't let anyone know how desperate he truly was because he didn’t want to be hurt like that again. Much less let Bruce know about all that. But… there was no one else there. Just Jason and this version of Bruce who was just willing to say those kinds of words out loud, with a sincere look in his eyes and a comforting touch. 

Bruce would probably never know what happened inside of his mind, right? Maybe it was fine if Jason stopped resisting and finally let himself accept this. Maybe it was fine to let himself be weak and vulnerable, for just a little bit. Maybe this time it would all be fine. Maybe. 

Fuck it. 

Jason hugged Bruce like he always wished to since he came back and had never allowed himself to. He was desperate, and clingy, and soon was crying quite loudly. “Dad…” he managed to mumble between sobs, a word he never allowed himself to say, but that had instantly come to his lips the moment he had given up fighting against it “Dad, I… I really miss it. I miss all of it. I miss when we actually got along, I miss when I could just do this kind of thing. I miss the manor. I miss when you looked at me and smiled and laughed, I miss when you liked me around. I miss YOU” 

“It’s okay, shhh, I’ve got you, Jay” he petted Jason's hair, rubbing his back and just letting him cry and damp his shirt. “I’ve got you… I am still here, Jay… I was always here… It’s just… after I lost you, I… I couldn't do it again, Jay. I lost my son and I just... broke. I couldn't let myself break like that again... so I tried not to get so close to all of you kids... But you saw how well that worked out, when Damian died… it was almost as bad as when I lost you...” he remembered the angry and irrational man Bruce had become during that time, a man so lost in grief that he had drove most of his family away trying to pull some crazy resurrection schemes. He had wondered if Bruce had been in the same state when he was dead, but apparently Bruce considered when he died even worse than that “When you came back you were so angry, Jason, and I… I thought I deserved that, because I let you die... because I let you down in so many ways.... I thought I could just love you from a distance. When things started to slowly get better with you… I was happy, but… I just… I don't know how to convince you that I still think of you as my son, I don't even know if you still want that, you would be justified if you didn't want me in your life anymore. I am not good at showing it as much anymore, but I still love you, I always will. And it hurts that I don't know if I can ever make you understand that nothing you do can change that” 

Jason was silent, letting those words wash over him. “...you really still…?” 

“Always, Jay. Always” came the reply without a single moment of hesitation. 

Jason tried to assimilate that information. To make it feel real in his mind. Bruce loved him, he still loved him as his son. He always had and always would. Unconditionally, apparently. 

He honestly considered the possibility that he was having the best dream of his life, or maybe he got hit by some fear gas that instead of your worst fears made your biggest wishes appear before you. That would make more sense than this just being the truth, and him being just too stubborn to see it until that moment. 

Now that he seemed to have calmed down from sobs to silent tears Bruce had began swiping them with an oddly fond smile “You always cry so easily…” 

“I don’t…”Jason protested weakly, but let him continue. 

“Yeah? Remember when I read you Anne of Green Gables and you began crying when she was almost returned to the orphanage?” 

“I was sick and emotionally vulnerable!” he argued. So what if he had cried his eyes out on a sick day when Bruce had read that to him and it hit him close enough enough to cry? It was sad! 

“You are a softie” Bruce just laughed, and kissed Jason's forehead, a gesture so openly affectionate Jason thought he would have blushed if he wasn't already red in the face from crying. “You have always been. But I love that about you…” 

“I think a lot of people would argue with you about me being soft… I have an image to maintain after all...” 

“Right, right, hardcore outlaw and all that” he honestly rolled his eyes. Somehow seeing Bruce be so expressive again was one of the weirdest parts of all of this “Keep telling yourself that if you must” 

“God, this is so weird. It’s so weird how happy you are” looking at that amused smile in Bruce face brought him a strange feeling of longing and nostalgia. He missed seeing Bruce like this. “...why can’t like… the big guy, you know, the full you, be like this?” 

“...I am sometimes… but… my own happiness isn't as important…” those words made Jason remember the broken man that he had talked to just before this. The one that said he didn't matter. 

“... you are a fucking idiot” he determined “A stupid fucking idiot with a martyr complex. That’s why keep sacrificing your own happiness over and over and pretend it doesn't affect you when actually it destroys you. Fuck, Bruce, this isn’t a healty way to live! And that's coming from me!” 

“You know… maybe if you talked about all that to the big guy, as you said, it would help…” Bruce suggested, looking at Jason somewhat pleadingly. 

Jason thought about it for a moment. Maybe Bruce really needed someone to tell him he could just be selfish for a bit and be a dad if that's what made him happy, clearly he put everything Batman related way above his own happiness in his own priorities list. Maybe he needed to be told the city wouldn't go up in flames just because he allowed himself to relax a bit. And that he could be nicer to his kids without fearing he would lose them someday. Maybe he needed to be told that he deserved to be happy. Maybe Jason could do it. 

“... I think… I think I will try…” he said, looking at this Bruce and smiling “I think I can… at least try to make the big guy relax a bit. For you, dad…” He was good at taking care of people in his own way, he used to try to take care of Bruce when he was living at the manor. He could try to knock some sense into him. 

“Want to know a secret?” Bruce whispered, putting a hand over his mouth playfully, as if there was anyone else there that could hear “I would do anything for you to call me dad, like you just did” 

“Yeah, right” Jason scoffed “None of the kids in this family call you that...” 

“A sad reality…” he sighed deeply and cast his glance down, and that made Jason actually frown. He was... actually sad about that? He was serious. He wasn’t kidding. 

“...wait, you actually like it? Really?” he couldn't help but giggle. Bruce actually liked being called dad, who would have guessed. 

“I don't like it, I love it. I love it every time I hear it, even when you kids say it as a joke. All of you... my children, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me. Sometimes I cant believe how happy you can make me. To actually be called dad by any of you… I would feel blessed” he said wistfully. 

“...okay, dad…” Jason felt his heart lighten a bit at how the word made Bruce smile again, knowing it was a genuine one “Maybe I will try it on the big guy…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel Bruce truly entered his most dad mode when he was with Jason, now he's more tired and done in general because so many children will do that to you, but he's still just a very indulgent dad when he can get away with it. I mean he let Damian have a cow, called Batcow, can you spoil your children more than that?  
> Poor Jason just wants to be loved, but he's so scared of being hurt again and of actually being vulnerable enough to admit it, he just lashes out in anger and denial. Dad Bruce was just too much to resist or deny, even for his incredibly high capacity to reject or twist any gesture that shows Bruce cares.  
> Also Bruce totally melts every time he’s called dad because none of his children do it, and if Jason did it he would probably die of happiness inside, you can't change my mind.  
> And also Jason is totally a crybaby, he cries so much?? Like, I can remember at least like eight different times he cried just off the top of my head.  
> That Anne of Green Gables thing was blatantly inspired by this one tumblr post I reblogged once  
> https://demona9999.tumblr.com/post/184996881729/bedridden-injured-bby-robin-jason-bruce-read-me


	9. The Red Hood

There was only one left to find. And encountering Red Hood with a small group of children following him didn't seem very wise, but Bruce couldn't bring himself to leave them behind either, so he just started walking down the Crime Alley streets with a couple of kids stuck to him. And the youngest one who just followed at a small distance. “Think he could beat you?” he asked “If you fight, I mean. This is my mind after all, maybe here the Red Hood could actually kick Batman's ass”

“Maybe, but I would rather avoid an actual fight if possible” he honestly answered. Actually he was a bit worried that that could be a possibility. 

“And do ya think he’s just gonna accept that?” he arched an eyebrow. 

“I did manage to make all of you come just by... talking…” he pointed out, and Robin Jason laughed merrily. 

“Maybe you should have talked more often, maybe it was your greatest asset and you never knew cause you went with the silent and broody approach” 

“I guess we will never know, talking to you here is… easier” maybe it had just been that he encountered the Robin Jason first and the open adoration he had suddenly received made him more emotionally available than he usually was. Maybe it was just that actually talking to this version of Jason wouldn't have the same consequences as talking to the actual Jason. Whatever it was, he had managed to speak a lot of the thoughts and feelings he had kept inside for a long time while in there, he could only hope he could manage the same once he was out. 

Suddenly a cold voice interrupted the lighthearted discussion. 

“Bruce” it just said, in the modified voice that immediately let him know he had been found by the Red Hood. He was standing in the fire escape of one of the buildings, as apparently he must have been looking for him. Or he wanted to make a dramatic entrance from above, that wouldn't really be out of character for Jason. He jumped down, landing on one knee and getting up to walk towards him in quick angry steps. He took the helmet off, taking the domino as well and openly scowled at Bruce. After seeing his younger versions Bruce could clearly see the slight green tilt his eyes had nowadays in comparison, a constant reminder along with the white stripe in his hair that he had been at the Lazarus pit. 

“Jason” Bruce said, holding out his arms to protect the younger versions instinctively. 

“I see even with limited choice somehow you managed to make a small army of kids to put in the way of danger” the vigilante scoffed. 

“If you want to fight it's between you and me, don't get them involved” he didn't think he would actually harm his younger selves, or if he even actually could, but he wouldn't take the risk. 

“Oh, I do want to fight” he pointed at him accusingly “I want more than that tough. I want to make you suffer. I want you to realise what a piece of shit you are. I died! And to you I was just a little soldier in your big war, you just replaced me with a newer model like I didn't matter in the slightest! I trusted you! And you just left me behind like old trash!” 

Bruce had heard those accusations before. It was like seeing Jason when he had just came back all over again. Despite the fact he had the red bat symbol in his chest Bruce couldn't help but be reminded of that first time the Red Hood appeared before him. He hadn't really handled anything very well back then, he could see that now, but he couldn't change the past. He had been too closed off to truly accept that his son was back, and Jason had been so angry and immersed in his revenge plan he didn't think he could have been reasoned with. But things were different now. 

“Hey, cut it out!” Robin Jason stepped between them, frowning at his older self “And stop talking like Bruce just sees us as his little soldiers or something” 

“It's the truth tough, that's what he put in our case, remember? A good soldier” the Red Hood laughed, looking down at his younger self with a look that could almost be pity “What a joke, that costume you are wearing probably got more attention from the old man than you ever did” 

Robin flinched at that, and Bruce decided he couldn't let the Red Hood turn his hateful words towards anyone but himself. “Jason, I know the one you are angry at is me” he said “I'm right here. Come on, I can take it” 

“You can take it? Is that what you think? You don't understand how much I hate you” he let out a menacing growl “Did you know I could have killed you? That bomb that was hidden in the batmobile like four years ago, I bet you found it after you got home and didn't know where it came from or why it didn't explode. I put it there. I had the control in my hand, I could have killed you right there” 

Bruce was surprised by that admission. He obviously remembered that bomb, it had been quite a mystery for years. How could anyone had managed to get past the batmobiles defences to get a bomb there, and yet after all the effort that must have taken not detonate it. “...why didn’t you kill me then?” 

“You wouldn't have known it was me” came the answer. “I wanted you to know I did it, I wanted you to look at me while you died” and that reasoning made so much sense when it came to Jason. He had somehow always taken the most dramatic and attention seeking route possible when it came to attacking Bruce or anyone related to him once he had made his entrance as the Red Hood. He had wanted Bruce to know who had ruined him when he did it. 

But Bruce had already done this song and dance before “Jason. I know you are angry at me. I know you hate me. We've established this a lot of times. I’m not going to expect to just be forgiven, but do we really have to fight? What would that prove here?” 

“It would prove I'm better than you, which is, you know, the truth. I am what Gotham needs” Bruce had heard that argument before too “You may think your way is the only way, but the city is better with me around. Crime dropped when I entered the scene, you know it works” 

“And I don't kill. You know that” he was getting tired of repeating himself. 

“It’s a stupid and anticuated rule! It only causes more problems!” 

“It does make things harder, I won't deny that. But I can't kill, Jason, I already explained this to you” he thought he had made himself clear when he explained why he couldn't kill. If he did it, even if it was just once, he could never come back from it. He would become another monster roaming the streets of Gotham. 

“Oh yeah your amazing ‘it would be too easy’ speech, that load of bullshit” he scoffed. 

“Are we really just gonna debate our philosophies? We will never agree on this” 

“Want to fight then? I'm down” the Red Hood got into a battle pose and Bruce just couldn't take it anymore. 

“NO! I don't want to fight!!” Bruce finally screamed, touching his temples while the Red Hood relaxed his posture slightly with a confused expression on his face. “Jason I'm so tired. I'm so tired of fighting you” 

“Is your age finally catching up with you, old man? You've never run from a fight” the Red Hood replied with a cruel laugh. 

“I don't mean physically tired. I'm tired of having screaming matches with you. I'm tired of disagreeing so much. I’m tired of arguing the same points over and over again. I'm tired of us not being able to be in the same room without being scared to talk and saying something that will set us off into a fight and have you running again. I'm just… I’m so tired” he admitted. He looked at the other version of Jason that surrounded him, who had been watching the whole scene and now Bruce’s little outburst with rapt attention “Today I’ve met all this other parts of you… and I was reminded how easy it used to be between us” the Robin Jason smiled at that, encouraging Bruce with a nod “I was reminded that I once got your hard earned trust” he looked at the youngest one who still seemed to want to remain uninvolved with all, but gave him a slight head tilt “I was reminded that you had unshakeable faith in me once” the recently resurrected Jason looked at Bruce with surprise “Jason… Jay” he looked at the Red Hood, who had watched that whole interaction and deflated slightly “Can't we just… get along again?” 

“...don’t be stupid, old man, we cant go back to that…” he replied with a low tone, despite his up till that moment constant sneer “We’ve both changed too much for that” 

“Have we really...?” he sighed. He didn't think they were truly that different to how they were, deep down. 

“Yes. You moved on, you became this cold husk of a man, and I came back angry, and wrong according to you” he growled “You will never accept me again, because you can’t ever accept that this is who I am and not just some... rabid monster that the pit spit out” 

“... the pit did make you more bloodthirsty than you usually are, don't try to deny that” Bruce was certain of that point, Jason had been a bit more violent than Dick as Robin, but he had never been cruel. And as the Red Hood now he was still very brutal, but he didn't kill indiscriminately anymore. The influence of the pit had faded over time. 

“Maybe partly, it didn't help, that's for sure, but it was still me. It was still me who tried to kill you. It was still me who killed all those drug dealers and stuffed their heads in a duffel bag, and who killed many other people for doing horrible things. It was me who attacked Tim, both in the cemetery when I stabbed his neck and later in the titans tower. It was all still me” he was serious now, not smirking or acting superior like before. It seemed like he was just expecting Bruce to agree with him and be done. “I also shot Damian, let's not forget that in the long list of things I did that you must still hate me for” 

“I don't hate you” he easily replied. 

“Oh come on Bruce! Don't bullshit me!” he inmediately countered “You might have let me back in after I dialed back on the whole killing thing, but lets not pretend I’m not in thin fucking ice there, you are just waiting for me to fail to kick me out again! It’s what you-” 

“No” he replied, quickly cutting tough Jason's ranting. “This is what I meant Jason, this is what I'm tired of. This… narrative you've constructed for yourself to explain all my actions in the worst possible light. Let me make this clear” he took a couple of steps forward, not caring that the Red Hood took one back when he saw him approach so decisedly “I don't hate you. I never have and never will. I really want you back. Because you are my son, and I miss you, and I would love for us to just be able to hug again without needing one of us to go through a traumatic experience for it. That is the truth” 

“But… but I…” he seemed lost for words at such a direct rebuttal “But I’ve killed people” he repeated, like he was running out of arguments. 

“I don't want you to kill.... I have to believe people can change and that killing isn't the solution. And it’s… it's not good for you, Jason. You shouldn't have to kill, you don't have to deal with that burden on top of everything else” 

“I can handle it” he answered defensively, as if he was being doubted somehow. 

“But you shouldn't have to” Bruce looked at his own hands, closing and opening them with a frown. “It’s not something any of you should have to do. If anyone has to carry that burden it should be me, but I... I made Batman because I wanted to fight crime, yes, but mostly… I wanted to help people. I wanted to make sure no other kid would have to watch their parents get murdered in front of them like I did. I wanted… I wanted to protect life” 

It was as simple as that, really. He wanted to help. He wanted to help people get better, and for that he had to protect the life those people had. If he killed he would lose himself, but he would also lose any chance the people he was against had of recovering. And some people probably could never truly reform, but he couldn't make exceptions, he couldn't just make that decision. He had to protect all life equally. 

When he thought of it like that it almost sounded like the hippocratic oath. Thomas Wayne, his father, was a doctor after all. Maybe it was as simple as that. 

“… I always thought that Batman not killing was like… a very weird thing for the hero of this shitty city of ours” the Red Hood said, shrugging “Like, Gotham is probably the one city where superheroes murdering wouldn't have been frowned upon or something. But hey, somehow you became like a beacon of hope or something, despite how little the city cares sometimes. I swear I don’t get why we stay here Bruce, and I actually miss it when I go out, it makes no fucking sense” 

“We are true Gothamites, I guess” Bruce let out a short amused laugh, perfectly understanding the feeling his son was describing. He also got strangely homesick when he wasn't in Gotham, somehow missing the cloudy dark skies and the excessive gargoyles. He knew it was a terrible place, but he just couldn't get away. “It may be a hellhole, but it's our hellhole” 

“Yeha, something like that” the Red Hood smiled crookedly at that. His shoulders dropped, and he looked at Bruce with a slight tilt of the head “You know… I am tired of fighting too…” 

“...want to go home…?” he searched his pockets and brought up the medallion, looking around at the four Jason surrounding him significantly. 

“...yeah…. Yeah, okay, fine. You can take up the discussion with the full me later, I guess” he conceded, getting near at last. 

“Okay since you are over fighting now, just so you know since the full me will never admit it, I totally think you are the coolest superhero, B” Robin Jason said, smiling proudly “I punched some guy just cause he insulted you once” 

“Don't tell him that!” the youngest one immediately protested. 

“But it's true” he whined “The guy was saying how Batman taking in Robins was bad or some shit like that and I punched him!” 

“Lenguage” Bruce instinctevely said, and the Robin Jason looked at him offended, while the rest just grinned amused. 

“Bruce! You haven't corrected any of the others for saying swear words!” Robin protested, and Bruce realized it was true. 

“Oh… right… I guess it was a reflex when I heard it from you?” he reasoned. He had tried to correct Jason’s propensity for swear words when he had been living with him, it obviously didn’t really work in the long run, but he had tried. 

“Whatever, this has gone on long enough” the youngest said, taking the medallion from Bruce's hand and looking it over “So we just all gotta touch this at the same time and we are back, right? Okay” he looked at Bruce significantly “I don't know if anything is gonna change with all that's happened here, and probably to me in your fucked up mind cause who knows what horrors I've seen there. I highly doubt it, but… well, just... try not to fuck it up again B, seriosly” 

“I will do my best” he said, smiling a bit at the ‘you better’ Jason muttered under his breath. 

“Let's hope that's enough” Robin Jason said, giving Bruce one last quick hug “This was… very nice… even if it was, you know, some weird magical thing. I won't remember any of this, really...” 

“I will remember it. I will never forget you. I never have” he assured him, giving him a reassuring shoulder squeeze. 

“Right… um, just…” he was clearly stalling, not knowing what to say but not wanting to go yet. 

“Its okay Jay. I will make things right, I will really try, I promise” he reassured him again. 

“Good luck… dad…” he mumbled quickly, blushing slightly as he went to grasp the medallion and ignored the looks the others gave him. 

The Red Hood just gave him a vague dismissal gesture, so Bruce turned to the Jason who had come back from the dead, who was still hanging unto his shirt with his bloodied fingers. “Time to go, Jason” 

“...are you really going to try to… to make things better…?” he frowned. “It’s not… it’s not going to… go back to just being bad?” 

“Jason, I swear to you I will actually talk to you and try to make things work” he looked him in the eyes, trying to convey his determination with just that look. “I swear it” 

“...I… I really hope… I hope you manage it…” 

“I hope so too... now come on” seeing how he seemed to still not want to let go, Bruce got close to the little circle around the medallion. Jason let go of his shirt enough to touch it as well. The second he did there was a bright flash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like Jason has this tendency to make every offence Bruce does against him into this big narrative against him, and Bruce has noticed and is just tired by this point. They repeat the same arguments over and over, and they both must be just so exhausted of it all.  
> By the way Jason Todd is the actual number 1 Batman stan and did punch a guy for insulting him once, but is in denial about it as he is about anything concerning Bruce, luckily Robin Jason here isn't so Bruce gets to know that little fact I adore.


	10. The understanding

Jason called Batman up to the cave entrance, since he didn't want to have to help the wheelchaired man down the stairs when they could just do their whole magic medallion thing in the threshold between the study and the cave.

It was still weird seeing all the four versions of Bruce before him, and how they seemed to communicate by weird looks. The kid had looked up at the fatherly version when he had arrived at the study with a weird mix of awe and understanding, while the broken one had just gave him another nod. When the Batman came visible the fatherly Bruce actually glared at him, a glare that could have easily competed with some of the worst batglares Jason had ever seen. 

“I see your found everyone” the Bat said, clearly ignoring that bad look completely to focus on the current mission. 

“Yep, all four of you accounted for, now you all just gotta touch this thing, apparently” he brought the medallion out. Batman just nodded without any more acknowledgement and held his arm out to try to take it, but the fatherly version of Bruce interjected. 

“Shouldn't you thank him?” the Bat didn't answer, so he crossed his arms “You couldn't even get out of the cave, could you? I bet you hated having to trust someone else to fix something” 

“...he did what he had to do” 

“Right” he replied shortly. He then was silent and just glared at the other man again. Batman was glaring back at him as well. It was like the most intense staring contest Jason had ever witnessed. 

“Are… are they fighting?” he asked the kid version, who was just looking at the other two interchangeably along with him but seemed to know what was actually happening. “Is this what a fight between two of you looks like?” 

“...yeah, they don't really agree on many things it would seem” he replied “But it's fine. People contradict themselves all the time” 

“I guess…” he raised and eyebrow. He guessed if Batman was focused on the big mission and all that and the fatherly version was his most personal familial desires it made sense that they would clash so strongly. In any other circumstance seeing someone actually call out Batman for being a jerk to his family would be great, but they probably didn’t have time for this. “Look, guys, you'll have time to glare at each other when you're all part of Bruce again, probably. Honestly, I don't know how magic works. Let's just finish this whole thing up, yeah?” 

“...right, you are right, Jason. I apologice” the man sighed, uncrossing his arms and looking away from the vigilante at last. He looked over to Jason, with a slightly stern glare this time “Just… remember what I told you before, please?” 

“...yeah I will remember” he mumbled back. Honestly, how could he forget all that he had been told? Jason had wished to hear some of those things for years. 

“...promise me you will speak, and actually listen, and not just… dismiss all of this” Bruce insisted, and Jason had to sigh this time. He could admit he would probably be tempted to do just that, try to dismiss all this and fall back into his usual defensie anger. But this Bruce was staring at him with such a parental glare he couldn’t even pretend he didn’t notice it. 

“Yeha, yeah, I promise, okay dad? I will actually try to fix things this time...” he huffed, and at that the man smiled, ruffling his hair one last time before grasping the medallion and walking over to Batman to hold it together. Jason touched his own hair, still a bit of a dazzled. Hair ruffles were one of the few affectionate gestures Bruce still regularly did with his kids. Even Jason had received some still, even if he had slapped Bruce’s hands away most of the times he had tried it… maybe he could just accept them again after all this. Jason turned to the kid version of Bruce, who tilted his head up at him. “Well, come on kiddo, you too” 

“You should remember what I said too” he said, looking at him significantly. 

“Yeah, a lot of important things have been said today uh?” he admitted with a weak laugh. Hearing that Bruce thought he was good, when he didn’t believe that himself… honestly it was still quite a shock. “I will remember. I will tell you that you are good too, how about that?” 

“...I think I will be glad to hear that… especially from you...” he smiled, walking over to the other two. Jason had to wonder if Bruce doubted that he was a good person too, it sounded like he did. Which reminded him... 

“And now you” Jason looked at the wheelchaired man, who just looked sadly at him. 

“And now me” he echoed. “You don't really like me much…” he mumbled. He was right, he didn’t like him. He didn’t like how much Bruce really blamed himself for things that weren't his fault. He didn't like knowing how much Bruce tortured himself with guilt, how he forced himself to stay distant despite how much it hurt him. To know Bruce didn’t think he could allow himself to be happy. 

“No, I don’t like you” Jason admitted “I think it's a bit too much. But.. you are part of Bruce, and… well, without his stupid martyr complex he wouldn’t really be the same either, would he?” he shrugged, “That doesn't mean I’m okay with it, I’m going to make Bruce realize how unhealthy this is, you'll see” He was good at taking care of people, he could make sure Bruce didn’t torture himself this much. If he had to stay in the manor to make sure Bruce didn’t spiral back into this broken man before him he would. 

“...I do wish you good luck with that” a minuscule smile passed through his lips, and if Jason hadn't been so used to Bruce's current small expressions he knew he would have missed it. When the four finally touched the medallion there was a bright light. 

* * *

When Jason opened his eyes he took a second to realize he was in the actual real batcave now, and groaned the moment he tried to sit up. Bruce was sitting next to him, wearing the batsuit but not the cape and cowl, and he was trying to help him sit up with a worried look. He noticed he was still wearing the Red Hood outfit, which wasn't the best to have spent hours unconscious in, which explained how sore he was.

“Hey, Bruce…” he managed when he finally got to sit up “So… was the whole mental trip thing real or did I just have the weirdest dream?” 

“It was real” he held up the medallion to prove it, leaving it to rest in a nearby table. Welp, there went Jason's hopes that he wouldn't have to own up to his promises to the many parts of Bruce. “How are you feeling?” 

“I slept in the costume, how do you think?” he grumbly replied, trying to move to get the soreness out of his limbs, which just resulted in more groans. 

“I know, but I meant… about whatever you saw in there…” Bruce insisted. And Jason knew he couldn't really avoid the topic. 

“...there was a lot…” he didn't know where to start. Bruce seemed to have the same problem, because he just nodded at that “I'm guessing your trip must have also been eventful, uh?” 

“Yes” a very slight smile crossed his lips “Somehow I managed to talk to four different versions of you and not have a fistfight even once” 

“Woah, really? I thought they would have tore you apart...” he arched an eyebrow. 

They were silent for a moment. There was just too much to go through. Jason wanted so badly to know that Bruce did indeed want him back, that he still thought of him as good, still thought of him as his son. But it was hard to ask about all of that, even if he had just heard it from the man’s mind himself. Those parts of him had said those things on their own. If Jason asked directly... it somehow felt like the confirmation wouldn't feel genuine. 

He also wanted to make sure Bruce understood how much he mattered, that he wasn't just Batman with his mission being the only priority, his personal life mattered. Insist that not everything was his fault and he shouldn’t torture himself so much. That he could allow himself to be just Bruce, a very tired, but very fond father to his children. 

Not to mention whatever Bruce had witnessed in his mind could have changed things. Maybe Bruce had seen something that made him change his mind about Jason? What if he had seen all the training he had and realized Jason was even worse than he thought? What if he had seen how pathetically desperate for approval he truly was? What if he knew about all those traumas he still hadn't talked about now? 

Jason was starting to get lost in the possibilities when Bruce surprised him with an unexpected question “... do you want to go to college?” 

“What? Where did that come from?” he blinked and looked at Bruce with confusion. Of all the things to bring up, that wasn't the one he taught Bruce would open with. 

“... there was a library, in your mind. It had all the books you've ever read. I… remembered how much you loved going to school and thought you could easily have been a literature major…” he explained, shrugging “I might have suggested it out loud to a younger you, and you didn't seem against the idea…” 

“Well, I would love to be able to rub in Dick’s face that I actually finished college, but…” and there was a smile in Bruce's face at that, maybe his mini version said something similar? “I would have to be alive for that, wouldn’t I?” 

“You can be. It wouldn't be that hard to arrange, for us” Bruce answered “You could… you could even come back as yourself, if… if you wanted to. It wouldn’t be that strange for someone to come back to life inexplicably at this point” he continued talking fast, like he was afraid if he didn't say all of it at once he wouldn't be able to ever say it again “You could… you could come back home, if you wanted” 

“...you say it like it’s so easy…” Jason muttered. But... he remembered all the various instances of Bruce saying things like that to him that day. And this was the whole man, he was actually serious about it. He wanted him back. This was real. “Can we really just go back…?” 

“I know we can't go back to exactly how we were. A lot has happened since then. But… we can have some of it back, don't you think? We… we still love each other, isn’t that enough...?” hesitantly, as if scared he was going to get turned down, he slowly ran his fingers through Jason's hair “Jay… you are still my son… ” 

And at those words Jason gave up resisting for the second time that day, and just hugged him. Bruce got over his shock at not being rejected surprisingly quick, because he was hugging him back almost instantly. He was even petting his hair distractedly, like this was an everyday occurrence and not some miracle brought by a magic mishap. 

“... a part of you… a part of you was just your parent part or something…” Jason mumbled against Bruce’s shoulder “He was so… he was so nice, Bruce. He was young, like when you took me in young, and it was like I had stepped back in time for a moment. And we hugged and I cried and...” he wet his lips. He wanted to say it. He said he would. If he backed out now it would take him forever to try again. It was now or never “A-and… and I called him dad, and he said you like it when I call you that…?” 

Bruce was evidently shocked by the word, stopping his hair petting for a second before resuming, while giving Jason an incredibly endeared look “... he was right…” he softly whispered. 

Jason hadn’t really used that word before, back when he was young and living at the manor. He had undoubtedly thought of Bruce as his dad, but to actually say it out loud… it was too much. He hadn't dared, because what if Bruce didn’t really want that? What if he called him dad and got the dreaded confirmation that he wasn't allowed to use that word because he wasn’t really his son? So he had stuck to calling him Bruce, or B. 

After he died and came back he thought he had his confirmation that he was never seen as his son, just a soldier that could be replaced and forgotten. He thought he left the childish wish of calling him dad behind, along with his desperate need for his attention and approval. Along with all his yearning to have the only person who he thought had ever cared about him do so again. Or at least that's what he had told himself. 

And now he was practically being encouraged to call him what he always had longed to. 

“Dad…?” Jason just had to say it, he had to test it to be sure, to know he could really say it and be accepted. Bruce stilled in his ministrations again, but looked at Jason with surprise. 

“...yes?” he managed to answer, and he still looked shocked, but the small smile he saw in his lips meant he was actually just pleasantly surprised to hear it. Jason felt a small blush appear in his face at that, being immediately accepted like that after saying it was something he used to dream about as a kid. 

“...well, that's going to need some time to get used to, I don’t know if you can expect it often...” he laughed a bit, trying to relax. On the plus side he could render the almighty Bruce Wayne almost speechless by calling him dad, this knowledge somehow felt too powerful. Maybe he should ask him to let him drive some of the cars in the garage and throw the word in, maybe that would finally make Bruce give into letting him drive the porsche. 

“That's fine. I don't think I could handle hearing it too often either” Bruce admitted, and he let out a small amused laugh. Compared to how expressive and open that fatherly version of Bruce had been this seemed very lowkey, but Jason knew this was a lot coming from the current him. 

“You are so soft right now, what the hell happened in my head…?” he asked, curious. 

“I found the part of you that was Robin first” Jason nodded at that. That made sense then, the same way Jason had finally broke down when confronted with such a direct embodiment of his dad, Bruce must have done the same with his son. But that probably meant… oh. Oh no. 

“Wait, was he like super clingy and desperate and shit like that?” Jason asked alarmed, and Bruce’s eyebrow raise told him all he needed to know “He totally was, wasn’t he? Fuck, that’s so embarassing!” he groaned and hid his face and Bruce’s shoulder, glad to have somewhere to hide his blush. 

“The other parts of you also seemed to think he was embarrassing” Bruce commented, and Jason felt some kind of weird sympathy for his other parts having to witness that firsthand “They said as much when he even said that you punched a guy for insulting Batman once” 

“Uuuugh I can’t believe part of me spilled my embarrassing secrets to you, I feel so betrayed” that incident of punching a guy because he had insulted Batman was the kind of thing he never wanted Bruce or the rest of the family to know about if he could help it. He always insulted most of them, but the second he heard someone else saying anything bad about any of them he snapped and switched to defending them instantly. And he just knew if Dick ever heard of Jason defending him or Bruce he would never hear the end of it. 

“If he told me at least part of you must have wanted to tell me, don't you think?” Bruce tried to reason, he seemed very confused with Jasons reaction. 

“It's still embarrassing…” he mumbled. Honestly it really was, sometimes he remembered how starry eyed and eager to please he had been as a kid and couldn't believe it. He had adored Bruce, and had been so clingy and needy.... 

“He told me other things too.... Things that made me understand some of our issues…” Bruce said, raising Jason's head from his shoulders so he could look him in the eyes, with such a sincere look on his own blue ones it made Jason's breath hitch “Jason… you are my son, and I… I love you, always have and always will. I… I wasn't aware you doubted that, and I’m sorry for not seeing that, and not being clear about it. I didn't think there was any possible doubt that I… that I still considered you my son, that I never stopped....” 

“I… I think I get it, now” Jason mumbled, trying as hard as he could not to cry again, there had been enough crying that day. He still felt a couple of tears escape anyway. “It’s going to… it's going to take a while for it to really sink in, but… yeah, I needed to hear you say that, thanks…” 

“Did that fatherly part of me also tell you this…?” Bruce guessed when he saw his subdued reaction. 

“Yeah, more or less… but I still needed to hear it from you” he smiled a bit. Jason sometimes just needed to hear those kinds of words. He always had, really. When Bruce didn’t say anything of the like Jason felt he mustn't have truly cared, but his actions were enough to keep him hoping that maybe, maybe he did a bit. But that day Jason had realized Bruce was an idiot who apparently didn't realize those kinds of things needed to be said from time to time. He was sure all the other kids also felt underappreciated and longed for Bruce's words of approval, they could work on it between all the other things that needed improvement. 

“I’m also sorry I let you down…” Bruce continued, frowning and sighing “...we have a lot to talk about, with all the things I saw there….” 

“Yeah… we have to talk about a lot of things in your head too” now it was his turn to confront him on some of the things he saw. He looked at Bruce with as much determination as he could muster “You deserve to be happy, Bruce” 

“Where did this come from?” he asked, apparently genuinely surprised by that statement. 

“It comes from a part of you being literally all your guilt and self loathing. Look, Bruce you can't stop everything bad from happening, no matter how much you try, and you don’t have to sacrifice all your happiness for it” he saw Bruce frowning and wanting to reply to that, but he shushed him, trying to make him understand “Listen to me. You are a good man. You are… you are my dad, you are the dad to every kid in this family of yours, even if they don't call you that. We need you. And we need you to be our dad, we need you to be Bruce Wayne, and not just Batman. You understand?” 

Bruce was silent, apparently processing what he had just said, and Jason didn't let up, just looking at him for confirmation. He wouldn't let this go. Maybe it was just his old protective insticts kicking up a storm, but if Bruce was stupid enough to need someone to remind him he could be happy he was up to the task. 

“...alright…” the man finally conceded, making Jason smile with satisfaction. “You are probably right that I… spend too much of my time as Batman” 

“And not enough as Bruce” Jason emphasized, “You just need to spend more time with your kids, the city isn’t going to explode or something just because you decided to take a couple of days off of superhero stuff. And honestly those kids really need the attention Bruce, I’m not the only one that needed to hear the kind of things you said today” 

Bruce nodded, apparently taking a moment for absorbing that information. “It's going to be hard tough, to manage that with this many kids. You can all get very demanding when it comes to bonding time...” 

“Hey that's on you, you shouldn't have gotten this many kids if you couldn't handle it, dad” he laughed happily. Honestly he was looking forward to how fierce the competition for Bruce's time would get when the others realized this was for real, because Jason wasn’t going to let Bruce back down from it. 

“I didn't intend to, it just kinda… happened” Bruce protested, which just made Jason laugh even harder. 

“Remind us to keep you away from orphanages, if we let you out of our sight near one who knows if you'll come back with like five more black haired and blue eyed orphans” 

“Hn” 

“Honestly I think it will be hilarious to see you try to act more parental towards the newer ones though, after seeing you in full dad mode I was shocked, and I have seen it before. Who knows how those guys will react. Maybe they will think you are dying and trying to make amends before it happens” he snickered. 

“You could just stay and find out. Your room is still there” that cut through Jason's good mood. His room… he still didn't dare to go in there. He had a couple of times, almost as if to make sure it was real, but… it was exactly the same as he had left it. And he knew why, he had died, his room had become one of those sanctuaries to dead children where nothing changed. 

“...that is the room of a dead kid…” he said, honestly. He was no longer that kid, he had outgrown that room. It would just be a reminder of how much he had changed. 

“It's your room” Bruce said, as if that explained everything. “You can do with it whatever you want. I didn't dare change anything, because… well, you know. But it’s YOUR room” there was a slight pause, in which Jason considered that point “You could always just redecorate” 

“...yeah?” Jason said, sitting back in contemplation for a moment. Actually he liked that idea. Maybe if he changed the room, actually made it reflect who he was now instead of who he used to be, it could actually be his again. He could go back… he could go back home. That was a wish he hadn't thought could become real for the longest time. “Maybe I will…” 

Bruce smiled slightly, like he had just given him a gift by saying he would redecorate his room. “If you choose to stay here and all that would entail, my offer to help you get into college still stands” 

“You really do want me to get a major, uh?” he laughed, surprised by his insistence on that particular point. 

“None of my kids have bothered too much with their education, except you” he huffed. And Jason knew he had been quite enthusiastic about school but wow, had he seriously been the only one to bring his grades home with pride? No wonder Bruce had always seemed to be delighted when he had done that back in the day. “Maybe I want to be able to lecture to the rest of them by saying how wonderful it is that you actually went through and finished it” 

“How devious of you” he laughed “...but it would be nice. To be alive again officially, to go to college…. And to… to be your son again, officially, in paper…” he blushed a bit. He had always found some kind of relief the officiality the papers brought to being Bruce’s adopted son back in the day. The fact that there were actual adoption papers at first meant he certainly wouldn't just be thrown out back to the streets, because who would go through all that hassle for nothing. And as he grew more attached to Bruce they started to mean maybe... maybe he really had a dad that actually cared about him now. 

“Of course...” Jason had suspected maybe Bruce also liked having it be official like that, but the soft way he said that confirmed it. As it also did when Bruce surrounded him with his arms and embraced him again “I will adopt you as many times as you want, Jay...” 

“...thanks, dad…” he mumbled, letting out a happy sigh as he hugged him back. Somehow this hug was even better than it had been in Bruce’s mind, having the real Bruce actually hug him close and tight like he always did was still so comforting. Even after all this time he still smelled the same, that same mix of kevlar from the suit and the same aftershave he always used. In a very pathetic moment of homesickness Jason had bought that aftershave once, and just kept the bottle around, taking it out in moments when he needed a reminder of what home used to smell like. He guessed he wouldn't need it anymore after this. 

Jason had been so engrossed in the hug he didn’t realize they were people coming into the cave until he heard a voice from the entrance “Oh my god. Damian! Pinch me! I have to be dreaming!” he said, causing Jason to growl and begin to separate from Bruce hastily. Of course. Of fuckign course. Of course Dick and Damian had to come and see him in such a vulnerable moment “Bruce and Jason were hugging! It's a miracle!” 

“-tt- Do not be ridiculous Grayson, obviously Todd must have been injured or something of a similar nature and father has indulged in his usual overbearing post injury routine” Damian replied. 

“No, no, look they are both fine, there's no blood or anything, they were actually hugging for no reason!” he seemed ecstatic about it. “This never happens!” 

Jason glared at them, channeling all his embarrassment into anger so he wouldn't blush at being caught like that. “Okay, Dick, how about you stop living up to your name and you help me getting some furniture out of the attic?” 

“Uh? Why do you need furniture?” Dick asked confused, following Jason with his gaze as he ascended the stairs. 

“Cause I'm redecorating, duh” he turned to Bruce again “I will need a new bed too, I’m way bigger than I was when I was fifteen” the man nodded, taking out his phone and calling some furniture store if he had to guess. 

“Wait… do you mean you are redecorating your old room?” Dick finally puzzled together with that. 

“Well yeah, I can't live in such an outdated room. You’re gonna have to help me bring some stuff from my safe houses too” he answered, walking past him towards the study entrance and ignoring Dick’s gasp by trying to remember in which safe houses he had left the many books he had stolen from the manor library. 

“Damian! Seriously, kick me or something! I think he's actually moving back in!” Dick said excitedly. 

“Why would he? He has always expressed his dislike for anything having to do with us. And he has never liked the manor” Damian looked at Jason with suspicion, and he guessed he couldn't really blame him. 

“Well, demon spawn, turns out I’m going to come officially back to life. That means I get to be a part of this stupid family again, so wether you like it or not this is my house too, and I can stay if I want” he replied. Ignoring the double gasps at Bruce as he headed towards his old room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jason would totally abuse this power he has been given with the dad word to try to get away with anything, those porsches and ferraris Bruce has are doomed.  
> And that's it! Obviously they have a lot more things to talk about,but I feel like they could work things out once they cleared their biggest misunderstandings. One of the biggest ones being Jason thinking Bruce never truly loved him along Bruce thinking Jason somehow knows he loves him despite never saying it, but after hearing reassurances of love from so many Bruce’s in this it seems it's finally sinking in. Also Bruce's tendency to just go into full Batman mode because it's easier than dealing with more emotional pain and his martyr complex in which its fine if bad things happen because he doesn’t matter, luckily now Jason is here to make sure Bruce isn't as much of an idiot now.


End file.
